Are You Happy? 3 Paragraphs Will Put You on the Path to Happiness!

Happy Valentines Day to You and Your’s from The Zajaros Family!

I was reading a book this morning, something I try to do every day.

Yes, some of us still read!

While I don’t always succeed, my reading program is really about a commitment I made to myself in graduate school.

During my time as a lowly doctoral student, making my way through the hollowed halls of academia, I was required to read anywhere from 2-5 books a week. I was also required to read a staggering number of journal articles and miscellaneous technical readings, both as part of my course work and as needed to support my ongoing research. As I struggled to make sense of dense and often tedious material, I promised myself that if I survived higher education, I would read as much for enjoyment as for self-education for the rest of my days.

Believe it or not, I have been able to stay true to that pledge!

Interestingly, reading has remained both enjoyable and educational for me. Conversely, almost all of my students, male and female, would argue former and curse the latter. Sadly, many young people do not read at all, ever! When the youth of today (i.e., middle school and high school students) do read, they do so only when required to in order to complete their school assignments. Most students only read long enough to finish the assignment, feeling lucky to have survived the experience!

Back to the point of this article.

I know, I stray a lot!

This morning’s reading matched head-on with the celebration of St. Valentine’s Day, now abbreviated into the more generic, and more universally appealing, Valentine’s Day. The change is probably responsible for greater greeting card, flowers, and candy sales.

Cupid is probably a happy camper too!

Or am I being facetious?

Probably!

Anyway, I was reading from a book by Richard Wiseman entitled 59 Seconds: Think a Little, Change a Lot. Wiseman has taken happiness apart, exploring and analyzing it based on the work of academics around the world.

I know, I know…BORING!

Right?

Well, not really! In fact, it is an intriguing exercise that looks at the emotional and physiological responses to happiness based on certain practices and behaviors, usually performed on a regular basis. The most interesting thing about the findings cited in 59 Seconds, at least to another scientist?

It appears that the effects of many of the happiness strategies cited by Wiseman are powerful, long lasting, and replicable!

Meaning, not only do the various strategies and exercises work? They have a positive impact your overall health…and you can replicate them. Replication thus ensures lasting happiness and good health!

The Secret:

As long as you work at it, you can be as happy as a clam for as long as you want to be.

Happy as a clam has always been interesting to me!

Where in the world did that one come from?

As I was reading today, 3 exercises jumped off the page.

The happiness exercises seemed to apply specifically to the tone of the day, Valentine’s Day.

The tone?

Love!

Richard Wiseman talks about three types of writing:

1) Expressing gratitude
2) Thinking about a perfect future
3) Affectionate writing

Wiseman maintains that all three have been scientifically proven to work, and all that is required is a pen, a piece of paper, and a few moments of your time. (pg. 22)

While Wiseman introduces the three writing exercises separately, it does not take a rocket scientist to see how applying the three strategies, perhaps as part of a daily journal exercise, would have a lasting impact on one’s happiness.

Taking just a little time each day to write three short paragraphs:

One expressing gratitude, perhaps expressing gratitude for the people (and pets) you love.
The second envisioning a perfect future, a future together with those you love and care about.
Finally, the third dealing with those people most important to you, writing affectionately about friends and family (and pets!) you love.

See those people, and yes pets, you love each and every day as you journal and you will be happier and healthier than you have been in years…perhaps since childhood!

What do you have to lose?

Nothing!

What do you have to gain?

Everything!

What are you waiting for?

It works…I am living proof!

If you are at a loss for a Valentine’s Day gift, perhaps a Kindle copy of Richard Wiseman’s book 59 Seconds: Think a Little, Change a Lot and a Romance Refillable Leather Journal with an Embossed Heart? Talk about perfect! And don’t forget the Kindle! A Kindle Wireless Reading Device, Wi-Fi, Graphite, 6″ Display with New E Ink Pearl Technology would be perfect!

To You and Your’s, Happy Valentine’s Day!

The Zajaros Family

Or…The Linchpin Trilogy!

Heaven By Way of a Map – Part I

How’s that for a title?!

I thought over the next week or so I would write a couple of articles, and maybe throw in a couple of videos about what is is really like to come back from The Dark Side…the side of life so many are running away from every day. Running with a part of themselves still anchored in that old mindset and that old life.

Those are difficult shackles to break and the scars of the chains will perhaps remain forever.

Will they last for the remainder of my life? It is hard to say!

Most of us were raised with a certain mindset, some of it a carryover from The Great Depression thinking of our grandparents and great grandparents.

And some of it, a consequence of the old school Horatio Alger Rags to Riches mythology so many bought into with no real map for how to do anything more than grow up, go to college, get a job, get married, have 2 or 3 or 4 kids (I have a funny story for later on about that), place money in a retirement account, watch it grow (slowly), work for the same company for our entire adult lives, wait for retirement, play with our grandkids, perhaps travel a bit (on less than we struggled to live on for the last 50 years – I don’t think so), and die!

Scary…but true!

So, I thought I would share a bit of how I unshackled and my thoughts about the experience over the next few days.

Will it have to do with entrepreneurship?

A little.

Will is have to do with inbound marketing?

Only in that it is my life raft, my way out.

But more than that, it is a signal of a shift in the fundamental mindset of millions of people who are saying in one way or another:

I am mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more!

So, on with the show!

This is an opening act. Throughout this week I will share a bit of the old thinking and some of the new; and, what it took to get here.

If it helps one person break free, or even consider breaking free, it will have been a success!

Let me know what you think!

Share your thoughts and comments below…not only for me but for everyone who stops here from time to time.

Thanks!

I slept in this morning…until noon! The old Me, still firmly entrenched after 55 years, generated more than a twinge of guilt! Old habits (and “Mes”) die hard!

The new me is sitting here in my gym shorts and a cut off t-shirt…happily typing away!

Connie is at work, she works because with my medical history no one else will insure us and, with our medical system, if we don’t have insurance and I get sick again…well, you know the rest.

Not surprisingly, TuffGuy and Bart could care less what I have on. Nor does my keyboard give a half a hoot!

But I can still hear one of my first employer saying:

“Selling is like shaving! If you don’t do it every day you’re a bum!”

Talk about a mindset sticking around!

35 years later and I can still hear his words!

Norm was a nice man who had a lot of sayings like that. He took me under his wing and allowed me to spread my wings as a salesman when no one was hiring anyone for a sales position without experience.

At that time, I was focused on one thing…making it big!

A good sales job was one of the quickest routes to “The Good Life.“

And at the time I was all for that!

Funny how we get for what we ask for and it comes back to bite us in the “butt.”

We spend years of our lives, ransoming out bits and pieces of our Selves.

And for what?

Security?

Security is an illusion!

The only security any of us have is between our ears!

The only value we offer is in what we do, how we do it, and the difficulty someone or some entity (i.e., company) has in replacing us.

In other words, Seth Godin’s words, becoming a Linchpin.

This idea isn’t new…but it certainly seems to be generating a lot of excitement.

You see, doing something extraordinary is so rare, and to many so inconceivable, that is the surest way to true “security,” whatever that means; and, if that’s what you’re after.

But it takes creating your own vision, you own map, and then having the courage to strike out on what can be an amazing journey of discovery.

But you need your own map and you need to “ship!”

In other words, you need to act…and act with a plan!

The problem has always been that we are either working from someone else’s map, a map going nowhere, or no map at all.

Sadly, the latter is usually the case.

Striking out on your own journey is frightening, nerve wracking, and wonderful.

You may feel free for the first time in your life.

Truly free!

At the very least, you will be a lot happier.

And maybe, you’ll even get to spend Mondays doing exactly what you want for as long as you want in whatever garb strikes your fancy!

Nice thought, huh?!

So, today is day one, every day is day one, and I slept in this morning…until noon!

I will write all day today, as I am at this moment, I hope it makes a difference in someone’s life…it is certainly making a difference in mine.

Make your own map. Set a course and then set out on your own journey.

And here’s the key, no matter how powerful the Old Me is, he or she will weaken!

Just never look back and never deviate from your plan!

Course corrections?

To be sure!

But focus on your map and have an amazing journey!

Life is too short to waste it following someone else’s map…live your own life!

Please share your thoughts, ideas…your story!

Thank you for taking a bit of time to read my thoughts.

You are appreciated!

John Zajaros
The Ultimate Internet Image
Lakewood, Ohio
216-712-7004

Life Lesson: You Can Change the Spots on a Leopard!

I had an interesting experience the other day and I thought I would share something with you. Yes, this is yet another life lesson. My life seems filled with life lessons, many I’ve learned the hard way.

Other life lessons have come back at me at the strangest times and in the most unexpected ways. I suppose it’s a consequence of aging, at least in the sense that I am a bit more introspective and a lot more observant.

I have become a student of people, the people around me, how they behave, and how they interact. It is always interesting and a continuous source of knowledge and entertainment.

Who’d a thunk?

People watching leading to incredibly instructive Life Lessons? But it happens every day. You simply have to be open and receptive to Life, capital L, going on all around you!

Connie, my wife, is always smiling when we are out and about because: 1) She is a very happy person; and, 2) because she knows what I am doing most of the time and is amused by it.

Yes, I watch people! All kinds of people doing all sorts of things. I watch everything from the incredibly boring to the absolutely ridiculous and on to the really awesome…and I love it.

I take it all in, every Life Lesson, every morsel.

You see, for the majority of my life I kept people at arm’s length. I was likable but not really liked, I was successful without feeling like a success, and I was utterly and completely mystified by peoples’ reactions to me. Not the people who interacted with me for a moment, not the people I worked for and who signed my paychecks, not the people I was selling something to, they all liked me. I am talking about the people I worked with day in and day out, they are the ones I kept at arm’s length.

I never really connnected with them…nor did I want to.

I just didn’t have time for them and I certainly didn’t have the time to nurture friendships or relationships. I had a lot of acquaintances and virtually no friends. That may sound callous, and even a bit sad, and I suppose it was. It was the nature of the business or businesses I was in and how I was brought up.

I invested heavily in my family but beyond that I built a wall.

Life Lesson and Advice (good and bad)

My grandfather, a self-made multi-millionaire who started out as an elevator boy in the GM building, in Detroit, and went on to sit on the board of directors once said this to me:

“Don’t trust anything unless you see it in writing…and then doubt it. Don’t trust anyone, not even me!”

“Not even me!”

That was my grandfather who I worshipped and who I respected. That blew back my hair a bit. But he had made it! What was good for Gramps was certainly good enough for me. So became that person, a Type A Driver.

Never trust anyone?

“OK Gramps!”

Gramps’ Advice and Success In Business

From that point forward, in all and anything I did, I was the guy. And, if I wasn’t, I was busting my tail to get there. I was the top guy in the company or I tortured myself and everyone else until I got there.

I was making 5 figures a month and 6 figures a year by the time I was 23 years of age. I had a nice home and a 25′ Ericson sailboat. I bought the sailboat even though I had never been on a sailboat in my life. I had a Honda 1000 Goldwing motorcycle before I had a license to ride on it. I always had 2 new cars in the driveway, in addition to the one I got free from the company.

It was all paid for, cash!

Success!

Yes, I was a success, at least my parents thought so.

My Mom loved the local press I received and my Dad actually said he was proud of me for the first time in my life. That, in spite of being an Eagle Scout, junior class president in high school, a 3-letter winner in sports, student council representative, first chair in the symphonic band, the Top Teen named by the local, weekly Cleveland newspaper, a US Army veteran, a Life Member of the Disabled American Veterans, and a whole lot more.

None of that mattered!

It was the sailboat, the house, the motorcycle, the cars and all that defined success in my world, and that of my parents and grandparents…so I pursued the trappings of success.

And I hated every minute of it!

I hated working for someone else. I would eventually strike out on my own.

I hated sales. Swore I would never sell again in my life. Little did I know!

I hated the fact that I hadn’t finished college after discharge. So I went back.

And, I hated that I felt doomed to do what I hated for the rest of my life! Every day, each and every day I loathed the position I was in and felt helpless to do anything about it…so I worked harder, pressed harder, drove harder!

Was I a success?

Sure, just ask anyone!

Was I a success?

Not if you asked me, not if I was honest with you…but that was a stretch, at least back then. But deep down I was in pain, as much as any physical pain I had ever suffered.

The Good, The Bad, and The Driver

So, let’s stay in the mid-to-late ’70s. The economy was booming. The Jimmy Carter recession hadn’t taken hold yet, devastating much of the country and forever transforming the Midwest.

Life was good in the USA…for most anyway.

I was out of the US Army, a disabled veteran, young, married, cocky with a great job (public perception) and a rosy future.

And I was a Driver!

Meaning, I was not only a Type A personality. I was driven!

While the theory of the Type A and B personality has come under scrutiny over the years (its inception in the 1950s), most people still know what you mean when you refer to someone as a Type A personality.

Well, I was Type A on steroids! As stated, what I and many of my friends and associates called a Driver!

Forget about the controversy since its inception, if I walked up to you as a twenty-something young man, you would immediately know several things about me:

1) I exuded a sense of urgency, even impatience when it came to time…particularly wasted time. I got right to the point and immediately down to business. While this caused irritation and even exasperation in others, I also felt those emotions myself…constantly! Time was money and money was time. There was time for one thing…making more money!

2) There was a kind of hostility just beneath the surface, what some have referred to as free floating hostility. But it was more irritation triggered by a sense of urgency and the need to get everything done…yesterday.

3) I was super competitive and this made me goal-oriented to the point of obsession. Achievement, and being recognized by others for that achievement, was an integral part of my personality. I loved the accolades and placed undue stress upon myself; and, that stress carried over into everything I did because regardless of what it was, I had to be the best at it. Period!

Remarkably, there are still employers today who would read that and say, “So? What’s the problem?”

Well, this was great for my employers. I was driven and I worked 80 hours a week on straight commission.

Loved the money, hated the pressure, never told a soul.

As stated, it was great for my employers and it was also fantastic for my clients. I was always working without a net, early on for someone else; and, later for myself. I was motivated to deliver nothing but the best service, to be the best producer, the top salesman in the company, in the country, or the world.

As a marketing consultant? There was only outbound marketing at that time…although it was not called outbound marketing. I was the guy who brought in the biggest clients, kept them the longest, generated new revenue streams and referrals, wrapped everything up quickly so we could move on.

And then:

Close! Close! Close!

And so on, day after day, week after week, etc, etc, etc….

I can hear Yul Brenner in The King and I when I write that:

“etc…etc…etc…”

If you’ve seen the movie Instinct with Donald Sutherland and Cuba Gooding, Jr. (good movie BTW, especially for a physical anthropologist with an interest in primatology) this will sound familiar:

I worked very hard to make sure all the right people liked me and that I was always at the top of the heap. Mattered to whom? To me and to those who could impact my future, my upward mobility…and my bank balance.

Not a pretty picture, is it?

Yet this type of person, particularly in sales, marketing, certain aspects of the law, some brokerage firms, and in some sports, was not only valued, they (we) were all but deified. Amazingly, in some of life’s arenas they still are!

OK! Getting back to the Life Lesson and the reason for this post.

I ran into myself the other morning, that other self, that self from years ago…and it was interesting.

I have a friend whose husband is me, at least me 30 years ago, and it took me back in an instant.

Interestingly, I have recently come to know several Type A businessmen, some as friends, most as acquaintances (their choice), many now retired. These retired, Type A businessmen seem to be forever stuck in that mode, that miserable, self-loathing, Type A Driver mode…and it is very sad!

You know something, the guy I’m talking about? I did not like him, not at all.

The saddest part?

He is probably right where I was way back then…self-loathing, feeling trapped. Or, it may be too soon, he may still be in love with the power and the idea of becoming a “Success!”

One thing is certain, he is me and I was him.

Scary!

Life Lesson: Breaking Free

What did it take for me to break the mold?

Was I doomed to this sort of driven behavior?

Was it part of my makeup, my personality, as so many would argue…hardwired from inception?

From birth?

“You can’t change the spots on a leopard”…or so they say.

Hence the Life Lesson!

I almost lost my life and in almost losing my life, in brushing with the ultimate reality, I discovered myself, my true self…and saved my life.

I am talking about my real life, the only life worth saving…because that other person had died inside a very long time ago.

I had actually started down the path to self-awareness in the mid-80s.

I had a brush with a very serious, often life-threatening illness and spend 12 weeks in one of the best hospitals in the Midwest. I was transferred there after a few weeks at a local hospital, the local hospital totally inept and unable to diagnose the illness. Interestingly, it took the “better” hospital just 48 hours to diagnose the illness and then a few more weeks to beat it.

Like anything, there are good and bad providers, there are experts and then there are experts.

I was lucky…I would be lucky again a decade later.

Interestingly, that second brush with death (the first was in 1972, the third in 1998-2008) put me on the road I am on now. That experience, facing my own mortality, allowed me enough time to disengage and to realize I was not doomed.

I discovered that my life had not been set on an unalterable course, and that what I had been told from the very beginning of my life, from its inception, was wrong!

I should and in fact had to change the course of my life…or I wouldn’t make it.

I almost didn’t!

So, I went back to school. I graduated summa cum laude, went on to study for my doctorate, and the competitive spirit lead me to immerse myself in something I loved. I found out that it was OK to be driven, as long as whatever was driving you was something you loved, something you had a passion for, something you actually could take control of and ultimately become part of and contribute to.

I guess I became a different sort of driver, one in control of my life and how it unfolded…instead of being someone else’s trained seal, performing to someone else’s tune, and living some else’s definition of success.

How awful!

Yes, I agree with the 12 Steppers of AA, NA, and CA…control is an illusion. But there are degrees of control. Ultimate control is beyond our grasp, there are too many variables to control.

However, if you love your life, what you are doing and who you are sharing it with…the rest seems to flow.

Life Lesson: Are there bumps?

Certainly!

Ultimately, the new life is a cakewalk compared to the old life, the life of a Type A driver, the life of a success, particularly someone else’s idea of success.

Life Lesson: You do have choices to make and regardless of how deeeep you are in it, (the ending of and the variation of a four letter word) you can always extricate yourself from misery and from a life that has gotten away from you.

You get a do-over !

Life Lesson: In my case, it took a Higher Power, a Supreme Being, God, Infinite Intelligence, and Obi-Wan Kenobi, or whatever you believe in, to take their fist and slap me up side the head and clear my thinking and my vision long enough to see the person looking back at me in the mirror.

The person I saw looking back at me the other day was not in the mirror, it was a real person, and he was an early 3o-something high powered, Type A Driver…and I didn’t like him…because I didn’t like me at that stage in my life.

How could I?

Success and Life Lessons: If you look in the mirror and the person looking back at you is someone you don’t recognize, or someone you simply cannot face, then you have failed.

Get busy!

Recreate your Self and your Life before you are on your death bed, as Sam Walton was, uttering those sadly tragic words:

“I blew it!“

If that isn’t the ultimate Life Lesson…I don’t know what is?

If people don’t look forward to your company, if you are annoyed in and by the presence of others, impatient and controlling? Rethink the direction of your life before it is too late, before you are gone. Because, there is indeed one instance when you can’t change the spots of a leopard (or your stars)…and that is in the last moments of life.

Do you want to remember an amazing life and be remembered as someone who was empathetic, compassionate, caring, loving, and giving?

Or do you want to be thought of as a Driver?

Life Lesson? I am glad I ran into that young man and I am sorry for him. He has a long journey ahead and, unfortunately, it will take an incredibly powerful force, event, or series of events to change the trajectory of his life!

Life Lesson: It can be done! I did it. He can do it. So can you!

The payoff is incredible!

I love my life now…and to think I almost didn’t make it!

You can too! But it is up to you and it takes desire, self-awareness, honesty…and a mirror!

Good luck to you!

John

Family, Tutoring Kids, and Consulting Businesses: Empathy and Life

This has been a week for life lessons, particularly lessons in empathy. Over the past week I have been reminded of the power of putting myself in another’s shoes, walking a mile in them, over and again; and, I am better for the experience.

Last week was a full one, as most weeks are now that I am rebuilding my life. Fighting illness for over a decade, an illness I once believed would take my life, I have little time for idleness and spend every waking hour teaching, coaching, mentoring, and consulting. In my spare time, I spend all my time with my family.

I love the time I am able to share with my granddaughters Kailyn and Brynn…the lights of my life! To think I almost lost that? I am so grateful just to be here!

Back to Empathy

In the last week I have been reminded over and over again that in order to be successful in life one must understand and practice empathy.

I have watched my kids struggle, learning the life lessons I can’t teach them, the ones they must learn for themselves. I have been challenged in ways only a parent and grandparent who loves his family more than life itself can be, having to step back and let life take its course…regardless of the pain it must cause.

I know what my kids must be feeling; and yet, I cannot and must not interfere if they are to grow into strong and self reliant adults. Empathy is a double-edged sword and at times it cuts deep.

Empathy!

On Friday night I sat with a mother and father, parents obviously in pain, two people trying to understand and deal with their son’s ADHD. To their credit, while divorced they sat at the kitchen table next to each other to discuss their son’s needs.

In order to come to grips with what their son is experiencing they put their personal differences aside, they acted in a loving and selfless manner in order to help their child. It was obvious these wonderful people felt sympathy, compassion, concern, and, above all, unconditional love.

I felt empathy!

As I sat there, discussing the issues their son was, is, and will be facing over the next few years, I watched as the young boy’s mother held back the tears. I was moved, holding back my own tears, knowing what she was experiencing first hand. You see, I was that parent 28 years ago, sitting with an expert, seeking answers for my child. The empathy I saw in that young counselor’s eyes almost three decades ago is undoubtedly the same sort empathy, and sympathy, that little boy’s mother and father saw in my eyes, heard in my voice, as I tried to consult, console, and encourage.

Empathy!

As a marketing consultant specializing in inbound marketing and working with small and medium sized businesses, I have had occasion to consult with quite a few businessmen and women over the past few weeks and months. Sadly, I see concern, worry, dismay, and even fatigue in their eyes and on their faces. As we speak, I hear the concern and the weariness in their voices as they speak of the current economy and their concerns for their businesses, their employees, their families, and their futures.

I know what they are feeling on so many different levels, I feel their pain and I know the concern they feel for those they feel responsible for.

Empathy!

When I take on a client I interview them, more-so than they-me. I am attempting to get to know them, understand them, empathize with them.

When I consult with parents and business owners alike, I do all I can to understand what concerns and motivates them. You see, if I can empathize with them and with their situation, if I can understand and even relate to what they are experiencing on a personal level, I can serve them. If we are a good match, and I understand who they are and why they are seeking my help, I can go the extra mile when necessary. When required, I can take on some of their pain and help them through the most difficult patches.

If I can’t empathize with them, if I can’t relate to them and/or their concerns, I can’t serve them; and, they are better off with someone else.

Empathy!

Empathy allows us to identify with friends, family, business associates, and even complete strangers. Empathy allows us to connect with one another in a way that makes the bond a little tighter, a little more special, and a lot easier to maintain during the tests every relationship experiences, personal or business.

I have been asked if my life would be easier, less stressful, if I didn’t “feel” so much!

My answer is always the same:

We all yearn for connection, we seek meaningful relationships, we are all social beings!

Social media has certainly validated this. I have been saying this for years…we need each other to be completely human.

Empathy is a crucial ingredient, without empathy we fail to connect, we are something less than what we can be, must be!

Empathy, along with passion, compassion, and love make us better, allow us to serve our fellow man in a manner that would be impossible without it.

Empathy!

Contact me any time!

John
440-821-7018 (cell)
excellencepaidforward@gmail.com (personal email)

Daughters and Granddaughters: God's Gift to Fathers and Grandfathers!

In Your Eyes! Unconditional Love and Grandchildren

The greatest heartbreak in life is watching your children and grandchildren struggle, regardless of their age! We still see them as little boys full of dreams and wonder and little girls with ponytails flying behind them as the chase puppies, butterflies, and later soccer balls and boys!

“Ugh, boys!”

I remember that one…they all said it!

Our children give so much, more than we ever give them. Their love is unconditional, which makes stepping back and allowing them to grow on their own all the more difficult!

We want to shelter them, protect them, and love them.

Unfortunately, in protecting them we may not be helping them.

As parents and even as grandparents we are torn. Love sometimes means pushing them out of the nest. Other times it means allowing them to fall towards the earth until they learn to flap their wings…all the time dreading the thought that perhaps they won’t flap hard enough or in time!

Life, parenting, and even grandparenting can be very difficult…and quite wonderful!

Life is amazing!

John

Randy Pausch Taught Us All a Lesson About Life, Love, and the Real Meaning of Success

As we plod through our lives, wondering about and debating its meaning, just how we fit into the grand scheme of things, there remains forever embedded in the minds of millions the image of Randy Pausch giving the world a gift…The Last Lecture.

This is not a post about the meaning of Professor Pausch’s selflessly magnificent gift, it is simply a nod from one professor to another, one teacher who loved touching the lives of a few with his self and his message.

It has been a little more than a year and a half since the passing of this great man and there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of the message he left behind. Randy Pausch exited doing what he loved, sharing his knowledge with the world, his magnificent gift…The Last Lecture.

Ultimately, I believe a large measure of our immortality is based upon the impact we have had on those left behind, on how those we’ve touched remember us as they continue through life. If our immortality is measured by how people remember us, and for how long, Professor Pausch’s immortality is assured.

In marketing terms, we are remembered in terms of positioning and our differentiation.

In other words, positioning, how people talk about us when we are no longer around; and, differentiation, how we have separated ourselves from “the herd,” from the rest of the people, businesses, whomever or whatever we are being compared to on a daily basis.

One thing is an absolute certainty, Randy Pausch’s positioning and differentiation certain reflect the profound impact he had on the world he lived in, and the World as a whole; thus, making Professor Pausch one of the greatest men of our time. Randy Pausch’s loss is felt to this day by those who knew him…and by others who wish they had.

How many have made such an impact?

I would argue…not many!

Of all the videos I have watched, four stand out:

1) The Last Lecture

2) The video below

3) The announcement of his death

4) A video compilation that has since been pulled of highlights of Professor Pausch’s Last Lecture and  a song by Eric Hutchinson. I have squirreled it away because it is has been pulled back by “the powers that be” and I have refused to take a chance of losing it…until now. It inspires me often, I hope in sharing it that it will inspire you!

The videos speak for themselves, enjoy a celebration of life and a demonstration of the true meaning of life, love, and success…Professor Randy Pausch.

Professor John P. J. Zajaros, Sr.
216-712-6526 (home)
440-821-7018 (cell)
excellencepaidforward@gmail.com (personal email)

Or: Persistence, Determination, Honesty, Integrity, and a Bucket of Oysters

Whenever I think about positive mental attitude statements and affirmations, my mind always comes back to Erma Bombeck’s classic title:

If Life Is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?

Talk about effective marketing!

Recently, I had the pleasure of listening to Eben Pagan interview Joe Sugarman, one of the greatest copywriters and direct marketers of our era, the founder of BluBlocker Sun Glasses. Joe Sugarman sold millions of BluBlockers and made millions of dollars in the process. The story is an interesting one, one for another day.

In the interview, Eben and Joe discussed many topics, topics related to marketing, success, and life. I recommend it if you can find a copy, it is well worth the time.

Of all the topics discussed, the topic of persistence piqued my interest. Persistence and determination are among of my favorite topics, along with desire, perception, perspective, and assumption…as you well know, particularly if you have visited any of my blogs.

You see, I believe the most crucial ingredient, the characteristic that defines us and determines our success, is persistence.

In my opinion, and in the opinion of many men and women smarter than I, persistence, and its partner determination, are central and recurring themes in almost every success story I have ever listened to, read, witnessed or been a part of…including my own.

Persistence, when combined with determination and honesty, almost always assures one’s success long term.

If integrity and honesty are not part of your makeup, all of your effort will be for naught.

No one can sustain success long term without integrity and honesty!

Getting back to the teleseminar with Joe Sugarman and Eben Pagan, Joe Sugarman made an interesting comparison, one worth sharing:

Life is like a bucket of oysters. In life, we are guaranteed

success if we persist. In the bucket, we know there is at

least one pearl. Opening the oysters is hard work and quite

often we end up cutting our hands, getting discouraged,

and wondering if it is all worth it when we are only half

way through. However, we know there is a pearl in the

bucket…if we just keep digging for it!

That is exactly like life!

The sad thing about it?

Many people end up losing sight of the reward, giving in and giving up as difficulties ensue. I have known so many men and women who, on the very brink of success, have thrown in the towel, unable to continue, unable to complete the task that would surely yield the pearl they had been striving for.

Like shucking oysters in search of a pearl, success in life demands a combination of skills.

The skills, when combined with a certain finesse, and finally brought to fruition through persistence and determination, often yield rewards impossible to imagine as we hover over the bucket, intent upon the task at hand, opening the oysters.

If we get bogged down in the task, complete with the difficulties, forgetting to focus on the pearl, we may not see it through.

Failure along the way is a certainty. Failure, when viewed as a setback, as a learning experience, can be a valuable lesson, another on the way to acquiring the pearl. Persistence in spite of the failure, and even because of it, will take us one step closer to discovery…and success.

Ultimately, if we keep the pearl in focus, remembering to apply both finesse and persistence, remembering that life will yield a pearl the magnificence of which we can’t possibly imagine, we will succeed.

Interestingly, as we progress through life we will find not one pearl but a succession of pearls, life’s reward for persistence, determination, honesty, and integrity…all along the way to an empty bucket and whatever awaits us in the hereafter.

Another, larger bucket…or perhaps a string of pearls?

John

Professor John P. J. Zajaros, Sr.
216-712-6526 (home)
216-539-7412 (office)
Skype: johnzajaros1
johnz@johnzajaros.com
excellencepaidforward@gmail.com (personal email)

PS, If you want to read a little bit about Joe Sugarman’s latest venture, something I immediately got involved with because it promises to help so many of my readers with various health issues and challenges…from pain to energy and illness to aging! It is truly an amazing product and the best I have come across, anywhere! If Joe Sugarman is on board you can be certain it is the very best available or he simply wouldn’t offer it!

Happy Holidays from My Family to Yours: Treasure the Moments – They are Gone in a Instant!

There are moments in everyone’s life, particularly when raising children, moments that last a lifetime. Whether it is a moment like this or the moment Marc Warnke refers to with his son, Jaken, climbing a rock in his wonderful book ONO: Options not Obligations or myriad others parents carry with them through life, the moments remain treasures, the gems that keep us going…all of us!

This was one of those moments, a blink and it was gone, and yet here it is, my daughter’s Facebook profile picture. The magic I felt so long ago and feel to this day is magic shared. The profound affect and impact the moment had on me was shared by 4 that day…a jewel throughout our collective lives!

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy Kwanzaa!

Celebrate life in each and every moment, because it is the moments taken collectively that define us and remain our legacy, as evidenced by a profile picture taken 17 years ago, a moment that remained in a 6 year old’s heart all these years!

John

I was watching and listening to the HBO Rock and Roll Hall of Fame 25th Anniversary Rock Concert from Madison Square Garden this morning.

Watching the 25th Rock Hall Concert, I still can’t get over the aging rockers refusing to give in to age and, perhaps more inspiring, conventionality. I think the thing that struck me most as I watched was the diversity of talent, every man and woman, each solo artist and group all have their individual style and grace…their own voice.

Bruce and Bono!

As I was watched The Boss and Bono, along with the rest of U2, I was struck by their very different styles. These rock and roll legends, these men whom have done as much for others behind the scenes, in terms of philanthropy, as any two men alive; and there, side by side singing about life, love, and hope.

Interestingly, while engaged in the same profession, and with many of the same qualities, humanity, compassion, and empathy, they are still as far apart stylistically as two entertainers can be.

As I watched, and it was in watching, much more than listening, that their real differences became apparent, I was struck by the fact that these two men, so very successful in the same endeavor, were so different from one another in the same moment.

Bono and The Boss, as different as night and day, yet both creating beautiful music in their own distinct fashion, their own style. These two mythic performers, deities of the rock and roll era, standing side by side and singing in complete harmony were as different in how they deliver their message, their performance, as any two performers can be; and yet, their harmony was incredible.

Both performers clearly belong on the same stage, however different their stylistic expression may be. All you have to do is watch, and then listen, but mainly watch these two performers, so different and yet so much the same to get a real sense of the contrast between them.

So, what is it all about?

It’s about finding your own voice! Both men have found their calling, their love for their work, their love of life, their voice…literally and figuratively.

While watching night and day on the same stage, both creating something beautiful, individually and collectively, something different and yet uniquely the same, I was moved. The collective voice they created was something uniquely theirs in that moment.

Success in Life

Because each of these rockers had given himself permission to express his voice in his own way, they both seem at one with themselves, with their true nature.

One only has to watch The Boss and Bono standing side by side, so very different, and each succeeding in ways unimaginable only a few years ago, to know that all things are possible if you give rise to your own voice, your passion, that one thing we are all put this planet to do.

The one thing!

It is in finding that one thing, and giving yourself permission to explore and express your voice, that true success is achieved.

Success in business and in life is certainly a progression, a journey, but more than that, it is a consequence of finding your voice and allowing it to do what only you can do with it, in very much the same way The Boss and Bono have….

Sing!

John

Professor John P. J. Zajaros, Sr.
216-712-6526 (home)
216-539-7412 (office)
Skype: johnzajaros1
johnz@johnzajaros.com

What Would You Do if Your Mom or Dad Could See You Now?

When I was growing up I would have long talks with my grandfather, almost one a week. I idolized my grandfather and would spend every moment I could at my grandparents’ house, or at my grandfather’s business. I loved to be at either place because it was his in every way, a reflection of the man, and because I could be near him. To this day I have a picture of my grandfather, along with his friend Father Martin the founder of Boy’s town, on my wall in my office.

What used to be so cool was every once in a while Gramps would be in a really good mood, having had a particularly great day I suppose, so he would take me to Carl’s Chop House in Detroit, Michigan. Carl’s was an awesome place for a little kid because it had the most amazing lobster tank. I would stand there until instructed to take my seat and ponder the fate of the lobsters…some bigger than I was! Or so it seemed. Memories of Carl’s are good ones, family dinners and Christmas parties!

Occasionally, after work and being in a talkative mood, which something quite unusual for him, my grandfather would teach me something about life.

Of course I was in total hero worship mode, I still am. You see, I loved and respected that giant of a man. I always looked forward to the talks and treasured each and every thought he’d share. Listening intently to this man, a god of sorts, a person everyone in the place seemed to know, I remember every word of every talk over so many years; and, so many years ago.

Interestingly, I still remember one talk in particular almost like it was yesterday. I had just earned my first pay check for a full week of back breaking work.

It was the summer of 1965 and even for an 11 year old kid who just wanted to play with his buddies, it was an amazing time. The amount of the check didn’t matter, it was the experience. I still have the picture of my grandfather handing me that check, $50…all the money in the world in 1965.

After the lobster tank, the check, and an amazing dinner, my grandfather lit up a big cigar. Carl’s was that kind of place. He leaned back in his leather-tufted chair, shifted a bit, and I knew we were in for a long one!

My grandfather looked at me and said,

“I am going to ask you just one question; and, I don’t want an answer until tomorrow. I want you to think about your response and I want you to tell me why the question I’m going to ask you is so important, perhaps the most important question I will ever ask you, OK?”

Not answer him? What did he mean, why was this question going to be so important?

I shook my head, of course. You always shook your head and agreed with Gramps…that’s just the way it was.

He smiled, nodded, and took in a deep breath. Then, he asked me the following question:

“Over the past week, while working for me, and over the past month, while you have been staying with your grandmother and I; again, there is just one question I want you to answer, but not until you have had plenty of time to consider the question and your answer fully:

“What would your mother and father think of you and your behavior, your actions and the thoughts behind those actions, if they could see everything?

“In other words, would your mother and father be proud of you, of your thoughts and deeds over the past week, over the last month, if they were watching you the whole time and you didn’t know they were there?”

Wow, I was dumbfounded! What a question!

I started to open my mouth and he held up his hand in order to shush me, he simply shook his head and I understood.

“Tomorrow,” I said.

He nodded.

Well, I thought about that question all night. I thought about all the times I didn’t think anyone was watching and I thought about my thoughts at cetain points over the last 30 days.

Then I had a horrible thought:

Did he know something he wasn’t telling me? Did he have someone watching me? Did he overhear me when I thought I was alone? Was I talking in my sleep? Did he hear me back in the parts department when I thought no one was listening? Did he….

No, of course not!

Then it hit me, the answer to his question.

Yes! I would be ashamed of myself! I certainly would not want my parents to have been a “fly on the wall” or a “little bird,” as my grandmother used to say, over the last 30 days.

No way, now how!

I got it!

Well, later that day my grandfather called me into his office and I went, tail between my legs and head bowed.

Things got real quiet, he didn’t say a word.

Finally, I looked up and he was smiling and nodding.

I smiled back…he knew, I thought!

Then, he spoke. “Do you understand what I asked?”

I nodded.

He then asked me the ultimate question. “Do you understand?”

I nodded and said, “Yes, I do…and I’m sorry!”

He smiled, nodded, and said,

“Never forget how it felt at the precise moment when you realized what I was asking and how you were going to have to answer it!”

Then it was my turn to smile and nod.

I never wanted to feel like that again, like there would be a time when my parents would be ashamed of me and my thoughts, words and/or deeds. From that moment until today, I always ask myself this question:

If the people I love the most knew what I was thinking, if they had a window into my soul, would they be proud or sickened? If I can’t answer yes to the former and no to the latter it is time for a change or, at the very least, and agonizing reappraisal.

Interestingly, we all have our moments and we all have our regrets. However, if we wish to be proud of ourselves, and have those important to us be proud of us too, it pays to remember the question and apply it in our daily lives.

Do I still have my moments?

We all do!

But they are fewer and farther in between, in part because I have grown up but also because of that larger than life character and a talk near the lobster tank in the summer of 1965.

Here’s that question in today’s terms, in terms an adult can understand:

If someone followed you around all day with a video camera, what would they see? And, more importantly, what would you see about your Self, your real and true Self?

How about commenting on this? Let me know about your little bird moments and/or talks with your grandparents!

Thanks!

John

Professor John P. J. Zajaros, Sr.
216-712-6526 (home)
216-539-7412 (office)
Skype: johnzajaros1
johnz@johnzajaros.com

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PPS, For more stories and a look into another side of John Zajaros, go to The Internet Marketing Quest Revealed and let me know what you think!