John Zajaros Blog

Happy Holidays from My Family to Yours: Treasure the Moments – They are Gone in a Instant!

There are moments in everyone’s life, particularly when raising children, moments that last a lifetime. Whether it is a moment like this or the moment Marc Warnke refers to with his son, Jaken, climbing a rock in his wonderful book ONO: Options not Obligations or myriad others parents carry with them through life, the moments remain treasures, the gems that keep us going…all of us!

This was one of those moments, a blink and it was gone, and yet here it is, my daughter’s Facebook profile picture. The magic I felt so long ago and feel to this day is magic shared. The profound affect and impact the moment had on me was shared by 4 that day…a jewel throughout our collective lives!

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, and Happy Kwanzaa!

Celebrate life in each and every moment, because it is the moments taken collectively that define us and remain our legacy, as evidenced by a profile picture taken 17 years ago, a moment that remained in a 6 year old’s heart all these years!

John

I was watching and listening to the HBO Rock and Roll Hall of Fame 25th Anniversary Rock Concert from Madison Square Garden this morning.

Watching the 25th Rock Hall Concert, I still can’t get over the aging rockers refusing to give in to age and, perhaps more inspiring, conventionality. I think the thing that struck me most as I watched was the diversity of talent, every man and woman, each solo artist and group all have their individual style and grace…their own voice.

Bruce and Bono!

As I was watched The Boss and Bono, along with the rest of U2, I was struck by their very different styles. These rock and roll legends, these men whom have done as much for others behind the scenes, in terms of philanthropy, as any two men alive; and there, side by side singing about life, love, and hope.

Interestingly, while engaged in the same profession, and with many of the same qualities, humanity, compassion, and empathy, they are still as far apart stylistically as two entertainers can be.

As I watched, and it was in watching, much more than listening, that their real differences became apparent, I was struck by the fact that these two men, so very successful in the same endeavor, were so different from one another in the same moment.

Bono and The Boss, as different as night and day, yet both creating beautiful music in their own distinct fashion, their own style. These two mythic performers, deities of the rock and roll era, standing side by side and singing in complete harmony were as different in how they deliver their message, their performance, as any two performers can be; and yet, their harmony was incredible.

Both performers clearly belong on the same stage, however different their stylistic expression may be. All you have to do is watch, and then listen, but mainly watch these two performers, so different and yet so much the same to get a real sense of the contrast between them.

So, what is it all about?

It’s about finding your own voice! Both men have found their calling, their love for their work, their love of life, their voice…literally and figuratively.

While watching night and day on the same stage, both creating something beautiful, individually and collectively, something different and yet uniquely the same, I was moved. The collective voice they created was something uniquely theirs in that moment.

Success in Life

Because each of these rockers had given himself permission to express his voice in his own way, they both seem at one with themselves, with their true nature.

One only has to watch The Boss and Bono standing side by side, so very different, and each succeeding in ways unimaginable only a few years ago, to know that all things are possible if you give rise to your own voice, your passion, that one thing we are all put this planet to do.

The one thing!

It is in finding that one thing, and giving yourself permission to explore and express your voice, that true success is achieved.

Success in business and in life is certainly a progression, a journey, but more than that, it is a consequence of finding your voice and allowing it to do what only you can do with it, in very much the same way The Boss and Bono have….

Sing!

John

Professor John P. J. Zajaros, Sr.
216-712-6526 (home)
216-539-7412 (office)
Skype: johnzajaros1
johnz@johnzajaros.com

What Would You Do if Your Mom or Dad Could See You Now?

When I was growing up I would have long talks with my grandfather, almost one a week. I idolized my grandfather and would spend every moment I could at my grandparents’ house, or at my grandfather’s business. I loved to be at either place because it was his in every way, a reflection of the man, and because I could be near him. To this day I have a picture of my grandfather, along with his friend Father Martin the founder of Boy’s town, on my wall in my office.

What used to be so cool was every once in a while Gramps would be in a really good mood, having had a particularly great day I suppose, so he would take me to Carl’s Chop House in Detroit, Michigan. Carl’s was an awesome place for a little kid because it had the most amazing lobster tank. I would stand there until instructed to take my seat and ponder the fate of the lobsters…some bigger than I was! Or so it seemed. Memories of Carl’s are good ones, family dinners and Christmas parties!

Occasionally, after work and being in a talkative mood, which something quite unusual for him, my grandfather would teach me something about life.

Of course I was in total hero worship mode, I still am. You see, I loved and respected that giant of a man. I always looked forward to the talks and treasured each and every thought he’d share. Listening intently to this man, a god of sorts, a person everyone in the place seemed to know, I remember every word of every talk over so many years; and, so many years ago.

Interestingly, I still remember one talk in particular almost like it was yesterday. I had just earned my first pay check for a full week of back breaking work.

It was the summer of 1965 and even for an 11 year old kid who just wanted to play with his buddies, it was an amazing time. The amount of the check didn’t matter, it was the experience. I still have the picture of my grandfather handing me that check, $50…all the money in the world in 1965.

After the lobster tank, the check, and an amazing dinner, my grandfather lit up a big cigar. Carl’s was that kind of place. He leaned back in his leather-tufted chair, shifted a bit, and I knew we were in for a long one!

My grandfather looked at me and said,

“I am going to ask you just one question; and, I don’t want an answer until tomorrow. I want you to think about your response and I want you to tell me why the question I’m going to ask you is so important, perhaps the most important question I will ever ask you, OK?”

Not answer him? What did he mean, why was this question going to be so important?

I shook my head, of course. You always shook your head and agreed with Gramps…that’s just the way it was.

He smiled, nodded, and took in a deep breath. Then, he asked me the following question:

“Over the past week, while working for me, and over the past month, while you have been staying with your grandmother and I; again, there is just one question I want you to answer, but not until you have had plenty of time to consider the question and your answer fully:

“What would your mother and father think of you and your behavior, your actions and the thoughts behind those actions, if they could see everything?

“In other words, would your mother and father be proud of you, of your thoughts and deeds over the past week, over the last month, if they were watching you the whole time and you didn’t know they were there?”

Wow, I was dumbfounded! What a question!

I started to open my mouth and he held up his hand in order to shush me, he simply shook his head and I understood.

“Tomorrow,” I said.

He nodded.

Well, I thought about that question all night. I thought about all the times I didn’t think anyone was watching and I thought about my thoughts at cetain points over the last 30 days.

Then I had a horrible thought:

Did he know something he wasn’t telling me? Did he have someone watching me? Did he overhear me when I thought I was alone? Was I talking in my sleep? Did he hear me back in the parts department when I thought no one was listening? Did he….

No, of course not!

Then it hit me, the answer to his question.

Yes! I would be ashamed of myself! I certainly would not want my parents to have been a “fly on the wall” or a “little bird,” as my grandmother used to say, over the last 30 days.

No way, now how!

I got it!

Well, later that day my grandfather called me into his office and I went, tail between my legs and head bowed.

Things got real quiet, he didn’t say a word.

Finally, I looked up and he was smiling and nodding.

I smiled back…he knew, I thought!

Then, he spoke. “Do you understand what I asked?”

I nodded.

He then asked me the ultimate question. “Do you understand?”

I nodded and said, “Yes, I do…and I’m sorry!”

He smiled, nodded, and said,

“Never forget how it felt at the precise moment when you realized what I was asking and how you were going to have to answer it!”

Then it was my turn to smile and nod.

I never wanted to feel like that again, like there would be a time when my parents would be ashamed of me and my thoughts, words and/or deeds. From that moment until today, I always ask myself this question:

If the people I love the most knew what I was thinking, if they had a window into my soul, would they be proud or sickened? If I can’t answer yes to the former and no to the latter it is time for a change or, at the very least, and agonizing reappraisal.

Interestingly, we all have our moments and we all have our regrets. However, if we wish to be proud of ourselves, and have those important to us be proud of us too, it pays to remember the question and apply it in our daily lives.

Do I still have my moments?

We all do!

But they are fewer and farther in between, in part because I have grown up but also because of that larger than life character and a talk near the lobster tank in the summer of 1965.

Here’s that question in today’s terms, in terms an adult can understand:

If someone followed you around all day with a video camera, what would they see? And, more importantly, what would you see about your Self, your real and true Self?

How about commenting on this? Let me know about your little bird moments and/or talks with your grandparents!

Thanks!

John

Professor John P. J. Zajaros, Sr.
216-712-6526 (home)
216-539-7412 (office)
Skype: johnzajaros1
johnz@johnzajaros.com

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PPS, For more stories and a look into another side of John Zajaros, go to The Internet Marketing Quest Revealed and let me know what you think!

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Making Decisions and Success: The Single-Most Important Step You Should Make in the Decision Making Process!

We make hundreds of decisions a day, everything from when to get up in the morning to when to go to bed; and, to reduce this to the ridiculous, we even decide when to close our eyes and go to sleep! Everything we do in the course of our lives involves a decision making process, conscious or unconscious…and some would add subconscious to this.

So, how do we train ourselves to make the best decision possible in each and every instance?

Well, some people would say we can’t, that there are simply too many decisions in our lives to monitor and direct the implementation of each and every one, and they’d be right…sort of!

“Sort of!” being a technical phrase only used by the most precise and discerning of scientists and statisticians…and a few bloggers with too many ransom thoughts of their own to deal with. And that’s another decision: Which ones to share with others?

The fact is, we cannot hope to make every decision made on our behalf by our brain during the course of a day, we turn it over to our mind, our collective consciousness, or our subconscious. We also trust our experience in such matters, and this is a good and a not-so-good thing, because experiences can be deceiving.

Experiences are shaped by our perceptions which are shaped by past events and our responses and decisions to those events. That’s not a scientific definition, that’s my own. This is the scientific one:

Experience as a general concept or construct includes knowledge of or skill in or observation of some thing or some event gained through involvement in or exposure to that thing or event. The history of the word experience aligns it closely with the concept of experiment….The concept of experience generally refers to know-how or procedural knowledge, rather than propositional knowledge. Philosophers dub knowledge based on experience “empirical knowledge” or “a posteriori knowledge”. (Source: Wikipedia).

Keep in mind that even this definition is based on someone’s experience, in fact it is contributed by an individual, or the collective experience of a group of people, as is referenced by the philosophers’ take on the definition and application of experience.

The essence of decision making, its foundation, is rooted in experience, whether good or bad, correct or incorrect, right or wrong. As we seek to make decisions concerning issues or situations we are unfamiliar with we seek out information, either directly, as in word-of-mouth, first hand experience of others or through information and experience passed down from others and progressively reshaped and reformed by the experiences of each individual in the chain. The problem with the former arises when the person consulted is wrong or has faulty information and is not in a position to be an authority. The issue with the latter is one of misperception, second-hand knowledge, and the bias that comes along with it, and error through misapplication or misunderstanding. In other words, in either event, the experience you draw upon to make a decision, if it is not your own, and even if it is, may be faulty and inaccurate…thus leading to erroneous decisions.

So how do we avoid making error after error in our daily lives, particularly when it comes to the really big decisions?

Part of the answer rests in our own trial and error experience. we usually stumble upon either the correct response or at least one that is acceptable over time; again, our experience. The difference between being good enough and being an expert may be significant enough that good enough is acceptable for many tasks and applications. However, for those tasks that require a correct response, when good enough simply won’t do, what do we do then?

Well, when it has to be right, when we are starting something that matters to us and/or others and we must get it right? We usually call on a trusted authority for help, generally someone we know, like, and trust. But who qualifies as a trusted authority, number one? And, if we don’t know of one, how do we establish whether or not someone has the reputation, and the street credit, the business sense or the personal integrity, to have faith in and for us to put our trust in them and their experience?

This is often done on what is called blind faith! Often, if we choose correctly, we get a combination of two phrases that have grown out of such expressions of trust over time:

Blind faith! and Blind, or dumb, luck!

Really, why?

Think about it!

In most instances we place our complete trust and faith in someone else’s experience and how they’ve shaped their decision-making which is based on experiences unique to them, their lives and their personal experiences, not yours. So, if you aren’t dealing in something that is exactly and appropriately applicable, the decision may be based in incorrect or misapplied data, theirs not yours!

How do we rectify this? How do we resolve this without going through life blindly following experts with experiences that simply don’t translate well, if at all, to your situation?

Three words: Know, like, and trust!

But is that enough?

No!

There is another ingredient and it takes us full circle back to our decision-making process:

Experience!

But how do we get experience with someone to base our experience with that someone?

Here we have what Yul Brenner, The King in The King and I, would call a puzzlement!

Like every other experience and every decision we make on autopilot every day, it is done incrementally. Or, as Bill Murray and Richard Dreyfus would have said in What About Bob?

Baby steps!

We give people a little bit of our trust and we incrementally allow them a little more and a little more until we “trust them!” And, their judgement!
This is how we learn absolutely everything from crawling and walking to talking and speaking a foreign language…incrementally. We also allow others into our lives and allow them to shape our decision-making incrementally. To do otherwise is folly!

And yet, we do just this every day on the Internet, in our businesses, with our money, with our very lives. We turn over the reins to others on basically nothing more than a say-so, our gut, because it feels right, instinct! This is incongruent and flies in the face of everything we have learned, everything we know. It is contrary to sound knowledge and our own experience! And yet, it happens time and again!

I often hear things like:

“Well, he had a great presentation.”

“Jim is going with it and he is almost never wrong.” (almost!)

“I’ve been reading their material for weeks now and it feels right!”

Or the best one of all:

“What do I have to lose? It seems like a no-brainer!”

Decisions, experience, and the antithesis:

Impulse!

Marketers thrive on it, they live for it, they feed on it, they depend on it!

Experience and well-thought-out decision making:

The antithesis of impulse and the real secret to prosperous living!

This is incomplete! The fact is, I could go on for days. But if you take away anything from thins I hope that it will be the following:

Only base decisions on sound experience, either yours or that of someone you know, like, and trust. Additionally, make sure it is someone who has earned your trust incrementally and over time! Be wary of anything that happens quickly, depends on a deadline, a limited supply, or anyone who insists on your trust before you are ready to give it.

Never do anything unless it can be done incrementally, and then test, test, and test!

No matter how good the deal and no matter how great the price, there will be another offer along in 5 minutes, so never jump at scarcity and a deadline!

If it can’t wait, it can…permanently!

Whatever goes around comes around and if an offer is that good, it will be just as good next week, next month or next year…or you can do without it! Trust no one that tells you anything different! If someone has a quality product and is part of a reputable firm, they will withstand scrutiny and they will offer their wares on a continuous basis. The rest is flash and it is designed to rid you of one thing…your cash!

This started as a blog about decisions and experience, it grew outside the framework of my outline into something even more important, something that affects all of us in one way or another: Impulse!

Once again, impulse is the enemy of experience and flies in the face of sound decision-making!

If you are pressed into a decision and you don’t have all the facts. If you are pressed into a decision and you lack the experience to make a sound evaluation and decision. If you are pressed to making a decision and you lack the experience; and, you don’t have access to someone you know, like, and trust, and has been a confidant over time, pass!

Experience is a great teacher!

Unfortunately, bad experiences are the best teacher!

Make sound decisions based on the above and avoid impulsivity and you you will prosper!

John

Professor John P. J. Zajaros, Sr.
216-712-6526 (home)
216-539-7412 (bus)
Skype: johnzajaros1
johnz@johnzajaros.com

Kailyn and Grandpa: The Most Precious Moments are the Unanticipated Ones, the Intangible Rewards of a Magical Life!

Once in a while you have to stop everything and take a moment to take in all that truly matters. Grandchildren are the ultimate do-over, they provide you with one last chance to get it right, to not only make your life more meaningful but to touch the lives of all of those around you!

I was fortunate to have quite a few years between my son, now in his middle 30s and my daughters, all in their early 20s. That time span gave me the same sort of do-over mentality with the girls and I am carrying it over with my grandchildren. The opportunity to get it right rarely comes around twice. However, when it does, it is amazing and provides rewards beyond measure.

I just thought you might like to share a moment with me and my oldest granddaughter, Kailyn, as we visit our favorite hangout for strawberry sundaes, tin roofs, pretzels, peanuts, and some conversation!

John

John Zajaros
216-712-6526
216-539-7412
Skype: johnzajaros1
johnz@johnzajaros.com