A lifetime commitment and it is gone in an instant…

…JoePa follows Woody Hayes

I had the pleasure of meeting both Coach Joe Paterno and Coach Woody Hayes in 1982. The meeting with Coach Paterno took place just prior to the Penn State vs Nebraska game and it was an incredible moment. To top it off, the result of that game firmly established Penn State as a contender for the national championship.

Talk about pressure and excitement!

Penn State's Joe Paterno and a Final Farewell

Once and for all, fans and rivals alike recognized that Penn State was for real!

“Joe Paterno, Longtime Penn State Coach, Dies at 85″

Sadly, it only takes one mistake, one lapse in judgement, for a good man to lose it all. One act, just one, can tarnish a spotless reputation. One act can erase a lifetime of giving and selfless acts.

POOF!

In JoePa’s case, his reputation was built upon excellence. Coach Paterno raised the bar and kept it there, challenging his players constantly and never allowing them to coast or lower the bar when they got tired.

Coach Paterno Believed in Football!

JoePa felt football was a vehicle, a means to an end for many of his players. Additionally, JoePa recognized that, in many ways, football is a microcosm of life. In Happy Valley, Joe Paterno helped his players understand life and set about the task of teaching and applying a myriad of life lessons, including how to win.

Lessons and Habits:

• The value of setting and achieving goals
• The value of hard work
• The value of applying lessons learned
• The value of determination and self-sacrifice
• The value of persistence
• The value of treating superiors with respect
• The VALUE of working smart and hard

Joe Paterno understood why the values listed above form a template for success. Coach Paterno led by example, recognizing that personal and private work habits are the keys to the kingdom.

Incredibly, JoePa’s work ethic was second to none…even at the age of 85. The Coach’s work ethic motivated his players and instilled in them a work ethic that would serve them well for the rest of their lives; this, was just one component of the legacy he left behind.

My guess? When it comes right down to it? I believe Joe Paterno died of a broken heart!

I also believe that all of the controversy surrounding…that other coach…was just too much for JoePa. To watch everything he’d created collapse in around him must have played like _______________ (fill in the blank). If you can visualize one of the many scenes from Inception, you know what I am talking about.

We may never be able to answer all of the questions surrounding the Penn State debacle. But for Joe Paterno, the clock has finally run out.

I hope he is at peace!

He did so much for so many, he deserved so much more. The real tragedy is this whole guilty until proven innocent thing, combined with a media feeding frenzy, of course.

Joe Paterno Walks Off for the Last Time--He Will Be Missed!

It is my hope that he found peace as the final play of the final game of life unfolded. It is also my sincere wish that, as the final whistle blew and time ran out, Joe Paterno was able to leave this world for something better with a clear conscience.

Answers to “The Question!” 

Frankly, any questions we could have asked Coach Paterno would have lead to more questions. Even if we had finally reached the truth, the answers would still sound like excuses, leaving us flat.

The media, as well as much of the general public (that word again!), had already pronounced him guilty.

But what about the questions?

• What did he know? 
• When did he know it?
• How much did he know?
• If he knew, way didn’t he act?
• If he did pass it on, who else is responsible?

Sadly, gratefully, we may never have all the answers, and Coach Paterno will never be able to make things right.

That being said, JoePa was a fighter and, even on the eve of his death, he tried to reclaim his life. You see, Coach Paterno loved Penn State, and Coach Paterno loved football, but most of all he lived for his players. The three together defined his life, one inextricably linked to the other.

His legacy?

Penn State Football!

In the final moments of his life, Coach Paterno made a sizable donation to Penn State to give back once again. Was it an attempt, a gesture, towards reconciliation? That’s what the media will suggest.

Just one more cannon ball into a sinking ship.

As stated above, we may never know; and that’s the real tragedy.

Woody Hayes: And “If only….”

Coach Hayes appeared for me as a speaker in 1982. My company sponsored a drive to save a local school system’s extra-curricular activities. It was a wonderful experience on so many levels.

As the festival took shape, it was clear right that most of the festival’s attendees came to see Woody, to hear and see The Coach.

The sports festival was my baby and I worked on it for months. All the hard work was paying off, it promised to be an amazing day. I asked several top-flight athletes and coaches from Northeast Ohio (amateur and professional coaches and athletes) to donate their time, to speak and run clinics…they did it without hesitation.

Back to Woody Hayes: On the Road Again!

Four months prior to the festival, I called Coach Hayes and explained the situation and why I needed him. Woody never hesitated, not for an instant, he said he’d be there!

Coach Hayes never asked for a fee, never asked for any kind of reimbursement, and he was on time. And there’s the kicker, in order to be on time, Woody had to leave Columbus at 5:00am.

Like Coach Paterno, Coach Hayes made a huge mistake too, a mistake he was unable to erase.

During a break in the sports festival, we talked about the 800 pound gorilla in the room;

The Punch!

Coach Hayes brought it up, I didn’t know what to say, so I let him speak. In his own words, he told me what happened. One mistake  and he was fired. He understood why, Ohio State University was overwhelmed by the press, by certain factions in the alumni association. The outcry from the general public…never my favorite phrase…and how the whole episode had taken on a life of its own.

Woody just didn’t understand how it happened!

Over the years, try as he may, Woody could never undo the damage done in that split second. Sadly, when I think back to our conversation, I can still see the pain in his eyes.

Coach Hayes’s pain is the worst kind of pain: Psychic pain!

I believe JoePa experienced the same sort of psychic pain as the Penn State debacle took on shape and a life of its own. Perhaps more?

Think Internet!

Significantly, both men fought to reclaim their reputations, regardless of the cost. And, both men died with so many questions still unanswered.

The Conversation: Coach Woody Hayes, John Zajaros, and The Punch

Coach Hayes: 

“Jack, as many times as I play that slap or punch back in my mind, I can never stop my hand from striking that boy. In an instant, everything I had worked for, all the good I’d accomplished, simply evaporated.”

Sounds like a scene from Hoosiers?

Perhaps, Blue Chips with Nick Nolte. Nolte plays a volatile basketball coach, a cross between Bobby Knight and Woody Hayes.

HINT: When Gene Hackman fesses up about why he was banned from coaching basketball. Art imitating Life and vice versa!

Yup, Hoosiers almost line for line!

Jack (me):

“I’m very sorry Coach! Is that why you do this, accept speaking engagements for charities and causes you think are worthy and worthwhile? Have you come to terms with the backlash?”

Joe Paterno and Woody Hayes: Ohio State Meets Penn State on Neutral Ground!

Woody:

“The stigma, or the backlash as you call it, is always there, spoken or unspoken. So yes, it’s part of it, certainly. But it’s a lot more that that. I have always contributed and always will. At this point in my life my time is my own. I derive a great deal of satisfaction from meeting athletes young and old. I enjoy appearing at events like this, it gives me a chance to stay active and to give something back to Ohio and Ohio State.”

Woody and I talked a bit longer and then he collected himself and left. He left the same way he came, no fanfare. In fact, I had to run to the parking lot to catch up to him so I could thank him one more time. Woody will always remain in my mind’s eye, a very nice man giving of himself and, in a very big way, giving back.

Joe Paterno and Woody Hayes are icons, whether you like them or not, they are part of the social history of our country.

Both Joe and Woody lived full lives, experiencing many incredible highs.

Both men had a profoundly positive impact on the lives of thousands of student athletes…on and off the field.

Perhaps the most wonderful thing about Joe Paterno and Woody Hayes is what they’ve done for others. JoePa and Woody gave more back to Penn State and Ohio State, respectively, than any of us will ever know…and that’s how they wanted it.

Why would I say that?

Because after all of the controversy and media attention goes away, after being stripped bare for all the world to see, both men continued to do good work for other!.

I’ve met both men and they were good men. Yes, they were fiery, and at times controversial, but they cared deeply for the institutions they represented and the players they coached, they are missed.

Coach Joe Paterno and Coach Woody Hayes

I certainly hope they’ve found peace because, for them, the game is over.

I’d love to hear what you think!

We’re also putting together a Best of the Web series that will only be available to subscribers of our newsletter…so join us!

Thanks for taking the time to read this. Please share this with your social media friends if you liked it…leave a comment if you do or didn’t.

NOTE: I won’t approve spam, porn, or crude language, okay? Anything else is fair ground.

One final cheer for two American icons who gave so much to so many for so long….

Rest in Peace

Professor John P. J. Zajaros, Sr.
The Ultimate Internet Image, LLC
Lakewood, Ohio 44107
216-712-7004

Here is a line that says it all:

Seriously! I can run  forever on this sort of thing:

“Your Dad’s work ethic is unmatched. I don’t know how that man functions on so little sleep. I’m excited about the future with him. Big things are going to happen.” Ryan B., North Olmsted, Ohio 44070

This was received last month during monthly billing. It came from a client who came on board two years after our initial consultation. I followed up often but not to the point of being  a pain in the a##. We became friends and then he became a client of The Ultimate Internet Image of Lakewood, Ohio.

And do you know what?

Ryan is right because I will never stop working for him!

My Relationship Formula and the Key to Suucess

Connection → Consultation → Follow-up → Acquaintanceship → Follow-up → Trust → Business Relationship → Friendship →Client for Life

By the time we get to Friendship, I can honestly say I am genuinely fond of my clients and care about their future. I am fully invested in their families’ futures, the future of their businesses, and the future and well-being of every employee attached to that business.

As I have said in the past, my relationship with my clients (i.e., marketing clients, tutoring, mentoring, coaching, education consulting, test prep, etc) becomes a scared trust!

I am forever grateful for the opportunity to serve and for clients who take the time to write things like the email above!

John Zajaros
The Ultimate Internet Image, LLC – Inbound Marketing Consulting and Social Media Management
Lakewood, Ohio 44107
216-712-7004 (office)

I Still Have My Signed Copy of Marc Warnke’s Book

Ono: Options not Obligations – Family First Entrepreneurship

The book is a must read for anyone trying to sort out the pressures of building a business and raising a family.
Like Marc, I believe in family first!

That being said, we live in the real world and we all become master jugglers as we attempt to balance our responsibilities.

Interestingly, it is a video that made the biggest impact on me as a Father and Grandfather.

Why?

Because I watched my daughters’ lives go by in an instant and I am not in the process of a real-life do-over with my granddaughters…and time is once again blowing by!

936 Weeks: If you can watch this and not get all teary?

Well, good luck!

John Zajaros
The Ultimate Internet Image
Lakewood, Ohio
216-712-7004 (office)

Happy Holidays to Every One of You!

This video says it all in a such a simple, yet effective way…

The Zajaros Family wishes all of you the Happiest of Holidays and a Wonderful New Year!

Miracles do happen…every day. We are living proof of it!

The Zajaros (Purdy) Family
Jack, Connie, Allie, Kayleigh, Emily, Kaiyln (Purdy), Brynn (Purdy) Zajaros, Bart, and TuffGuy

School Portrait (2011) from Michael Berliner on Vimeo.

Just a note about the previous post: The Intangibles: Payment Comes in Many Forms

There were several points made earlier today. The one point I left alone, unsaid, is the one dealing with costs.

I feel I must at least touch on the subject, based on a couple of questions that have been raised via social media.

So, here goes!

My first economics class was Economics 101.

The very first lesson, on the first day of class, was entitled:

Rule Number One: There is No Free Lunch!

Rule Number Two: Refer to Rule Number One!

To that end, and referring to clients who do not pay fees in the conventional sense?

Refer to Rule Number One.

Then, refer to Rule Number Two.

There is always a cost!

Significantly, the ultimate cost for someone willing, and able, to pay the going rate up front and in full is usually far less than the cost incurred over time by the individual receiving an initial break in price.

Once again, there is always a cost…it may be paid using a different form of exchange…but there is always a cost and it is always paid.

I felt that needed to be cleared up. I hope it is for those of you who expressed concern or, at the very least, asked for a clarification.

Feel free to comment or contact, anytime!

John Zajaros

Change – Old Friends – The Old/New You

I had an interesting conversation with an old friend the other day.

However, before I talk about the conversation, I think a bit of an explanation, based on an observation, is in order.

The thing about old friends is, they knew you…before…way back when.

“Way back when!”

Before everything!

And then, very often, during everything else.

They knew you “way back when!”

When you were someone else.

When you weren’t the person you’ve, hopefully, grown into.

Grown up and into.

They knew the person before the person.

The person you had to grown into…just to get here…to where you are now…hopefully!

There’s the key word:

hope

hopeless

Hopeless

Hopelessness

hopelessness

hopeless

hope

Hope

Hopeful

Hopefully

HOPE

Unfortunately, most of our old friends will never see us as anything other than that old friend…the person who no longer resides at your address.

In your body.

Under your skin.

You know the one I mean?

The person who died…so you could live…hopefully!

Your true self!

Does anyone really know their true Self?

It takes a lot of searching to come to terms with the True Self.

Without getting all Eastern on you…

…I believe that if we are to succeed in life…

…I mean truly succeed…

…we have to come to terms with…

…come face-to-face with…

…our True Self!

And own him or her!

 …as the kids say, anyway.

It has been said that “You can’t change the spots on a leopard.”

At least that’s what everyone says.

You know everyone, don’t you?

Sure, we all do!

Do we?

People resist change.

That is a certainty!

Is it?

Yup!

Most, anyway.

People resist change with every fiber of their being.

Both in the singular…and collectively.

Religions, political parties, unions, administrators; they have all made it a way of being, the defining characteristic(s) of their organization or organizations.

Nuns and even many priests left their respective orders enmass after Vatican II!

Politicians have been decimated at the polls for flip-flopping once too often on a critical issue.

In spite of all that, people do change…and often.

All we have to do is watch the current presidential campaign, and particularly the Republican debates, to get a sense of just how crucial our ability to change is; and, how adept we have become at it.

When it comes to the mechanisms of change…and the justification for change…we have become inventive in a way that would make Thomas A. Edison proud.

Thank goodness!

We have to change….

While it’s more comfortable to believe that people…things…circumstances…everything…remain the same…constant.

Can you imagine a life of complete and utter certainty?

Sameness?

Permanence?

Forever?

I hope not…it sounds like death to me!

That brings me to the topic of today’s post. That conversation I had with an old friend.

Phew! Bet you thought I’d forgotten all about it, didn’t you?

You see, my old friend knows just how hard things have been since 1998….almost 14 years ago.

He knew me before.

He knows how it started.

He knows how sick I was.

He knows how hard it was to find a doctor who hadn’t written me off.

He knows how impossible my family’s situation became.

He knows just what we lost.

He has no idea what we gained.

He was too close to the loss.

The Pain.

The Depression.

The Addiction.

The almost utter defeat!

Thank God for those 2 words:

almost

&

utter

You see, I was addicted to paid medication. An addict!

In spite of our enlightened, outward attitude with respect to addiction, and particularly a medically supervised addiction, we are still quite Victorian just beneath the skin.

Maybe some things won’t be, can’t be, changed?

The debate will, undoubtedly, resurface here and from time to time.

Be that as it may, it is quite impossible not to develop an addiction given the illness, the amount of time, and the number of surgeries it required…just to survive.

I was, some say always will be, an addict.

As a consequence of chronic pain, chronic depression, and crushing despair, the way my friend looks at me has been forever tainted.

Imagine that?

A double whammy!

Two stigmas neatly wrapped into a single package, a single self:

Me!

An addiction: To drugs

A mental illness: Depression

The funny thing about people…and the way they see you?

Very often, once someone has seen you at your worst, it is often impossible for them to get rid of that picture and see you for all you overcame…all you are now.

Instead of being able to look at all you’ve endured, all you’ve overcome, that stigma persists. Perhaps that sort of thing is hardwired.

Who knows?

So, imagine my friend’s response the other day when I told him I had taken on a client and had done so gratis…sans fee…on the cheap…for free.

Well, he looked at me as if I had just lost my last screw. He knew I had several loose, had to have. After all, I started my own business rather than find a safe job in academia or as a trainer somewhere.

Now I was in business for myself and taking on clients and forgetting to ask for the order and a check.

I could have said:

Think about it for just one moment, Bill. Think about the place I have to be at, with respect to my business and my family obligations, just to be able to consider taking someone on for less than a full fee.

I could have said:

I am thinking 2, 3, 4 years down the road. I know this kid will make it and, when he does, who do you think is going to be there?

I could have said:

I am getting paid in many ways. The intangible rewards will far outdistance any perceived losses. The set up fee and monthly maintenance fees will be recouped many times over…and within the next 12-18 months.

I could have said:

Bill, you should know me better by now. You should know that I have already thought all of your concerns through, many times over…and this is still a Win/Win!

Instead, I said:

Bill, I appreciate your concern, and your friendship, but let’s keep business and personal separate and distinct. I understand how you feel, I felt the same way, until I considered the intangibles. Bill, I have my reasons and, I am certain that when the time comes, you will see as I do, that this made good, long term business sense.

Bill looked at me, smiled, and shook his head. Then, he mumbled something about the “Feel, Felt, Saw” close I had just walked him through, smiled again, and patted me on the back. Bill was no doubt wondering, perhaps one last time, if I had lost all my screws or if one or two were still rattling around up in my head, somewhere.

It’s somehow sad that another man, a new client who’s known me for less than 2 years, aware of what I’ve recently overcome and seeing it as an advantage, was able to look beyond all Bill lived through. The former has placed his new business, and by extension his and his employees’ families’ welfare, in my hands.

Sadly, a man who has known me for years, knows first hand the battles I’ve fought and won…the war I won…was unable to get beyond the stigmas associated with a protracted illness.

Perhaps we haven’t changed that much after all?

I am still an optimist.

I am still hopeful.

How could it be otherwise after all I have been able to overcome…after all my family has overcome with me.

Thanks for reading. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

John Zajaros
johnzajaros@gmail.com (personal email address)
440-821-7018 (cell)

NOTE: Connie has a new garden. A new home. We have replanted ourselves and Connie no longer needs to feel sad. All summer and through the fall, Connie has decorated our new home with baskets of flowers. Life has returned to The Zajaros Household.

Success is About Helping the Other Person Get There! 

A new client wrote:

Jack-ok-you’re stuck with me. LET’S DO THIS!!!!

I kind of look at this not just as an Internet thing but you are almost a life/business coach as well.

Your experiences as a business owner are invaluable.

I’m Extremely excited to get this moving.

You da man!!

I wrote back:

No! You da man!

I’m glad to have you as a client, a mentee, and a friend! This will be fun for both of us!

Let’s meet tomorrow or Saturday. I’m proud of you (name here). I know it was a tough decision….

This email exchange made everything worth it:

• The sacrifices
• The late nights with no sleep
• The hours invested in developing relationships via social media
• Watching StomperNet videos until I couldn’t watch another
• Reading book upon ebook
• Immersing myself in articles, blog posts, and ecourses
• Overcoming the self-doubt we all face. Yup! We all have it…it’s how we work through it that defines us
• And all the hard work….

Once again, I am the luckiest man alive. Not only because of my business successes but because I have the support of an amazing family and the privilege to work with exactly who I choose to work with…and when! Can anyone think of a better way to spend your working life?

And to think I almost lost my life to illness!

Have a wonderful life. Because it is indeed a wonderful life!

John Zajaros

Or…The Linchpin Trilogy!

Heaven By Way of a Map – Part I

How’s that for a title?!

I thought over the next week or so I would write a couple of articles, and maybe throw in a couple of videos about what is is really like to come back from The Dark Side…the side of life so many are running away from every day. Running with a part of themselves still anchored in that old mindset and that old life.

Those are difficult shackles to break and the scars of the chains will perhaps remain forever.

Will they last for the remainder of my life? It is hard to say!

Most of us were raised with a certain mindset, some of it a carryover from The Great Depression thinking of our grandparents and great grandparents.

And some of it, a consequence of the old school Horatio Alger Rags to Riches mythology so many bought into with no real map for how to do anything more than grow up, go to college, get a job, get married, have 2 or 3 or 4 kids (I have a funny story for later on about that), place money in a retirement account, watch it grow (slowly), work for the same company for our entire adult lives, wait for retirement, play with our grandkids, perhaps travel a bit (on less than we struggled to live on for the last 50 years – I don’t think so), and die!

Scary…but true!

So, I thought I would share a bit of how I unshackled and my thoughts about the experience over the next few days.

Will it have to do with entrepreneurship?

A little.

Will is have to do with inbound marketing?

Only in that it is my life raft, my way out.

But more than that, it is a signal of a shift in the fundamental mindset of millions of people who are saying in one way or another:

I am mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more!

So, on with the show!

This is an opening act. Throughout this week I will share a bit of the old thinking and some of the new; and, what it took to get here.

If it helps one person break free, or even consider breaking free, it will have been a success!

Let me know what you think!

Share your thoughts and comments below…not only for me but for everyone who stops here from time to time.

Thanks!

I slept in this morning…until noon! The old Me, still firmly entrenched after 55 years, generated more than a twinge of guilt! Old habits (and “Mes”) die hard!

The new me is sitting here in my gym shorts and a cut off t-shirt…happily typing away!

Connie is at work, she works because with my medical history no one else will insure us and, with our medical system, if we don’t have insurance and I get sick again…well, you know the rest.

Not surprisingly, TuffGuy and Bart could care less what I have on. Nor does my keyboard give a half a hoot!

But I can still hear one of my first employer saying:

“Selling is like shaving! If you don’t do it every day you’re a bum!”

Talk about a mindset sticking around!

35 years later and I can still hear his words!

Norm was a nice man who had a lot of sayings like that. He took me under his wing and allowed me to spread my wings as a salesman when no one was hiring anyone for a sales position without experience.

At that time, I was focused on one thing…making it big!

A good sales job was one of the quickest routes to “The Good Life.“

And at the time I was all for that!

Funny how we get for what we ask for and it comes back to bite us in the “butt.”

We spend years of our lives, ransoming out bits and pieces of our Selves.

And for what?

Security?

Security is an illusion!

The only security any of us have is between our ears!

The only value we offer is in what we do, how we do it, and the difficulty someone or some entity (i.e., company) has in replacing us.

In other words, Seth Godin’s words, becoming a Linchpin.

This idea isn’t new…but it certainly seems to be generating a lot of excitement.

You see, doing something extraordinary is so rare, and to many so inconceivable, that is the surest way to true “security,” whatever that means; and, if that’s what you’re after.

But it takes creating your own vision, you own map, and then having the courage to strike out on what can be an amazing journey of discovery.

But you need your own map and you need to “ship!”

In other words, you need to act…and act with a plan!

The problem has always been that we are either working from someone else’s map, a map going nowhere, or no map at all.

Sadly, the latter is usually the case.

Striking out on your own journey is frightening, nerve wracking, and wonderful.

You may feel free for the first time in your life.

Truly free!

At the very least, you will be a lot happier.

And maybe, you’ll even get to spend Mondays doing exactly what you want for as long as you want in whatever garb strikes your fancy!

Nice thought, huh?!

So, today is day one, every day is day one, and I slept in this morning…until noon!

I will write all day today, as I am at this moment, I hope it makes a difference in someone’s life…it is certainly making a difference in mine.

Make your own map. Set a course and then set out on your own journey.

And here’s the key, no matter how powerful the Old Me is, he or she will weaken!

Just never look back and never deviate from your plan!

Course corrections?

To be sure!

But focus on your map and have an amazing journey!

Life is too short to waste it following someone else’s map…live your own life!

Please share your thoughts, ideas…your story!

Thank you for taking a bit of time to read my thoughts.

You are appreciated!

John Zajaros
The Ultimate Internet Image
Lakewood, Ohio
216-712-7004

Life Lesson: You Can Change the Spots on a Leopard!

I had an interesting experience the other day and I thought I would share something with you. Yes, this is yet another life lesson. My life seems filled with life lessons, many I’ve learned the hard way.

Other life lessons have come back at me at the strangest times and in the most unexpected ways. I suppose it’s a consequence of aging, at least in the sense that I am a bit more introspective and a lot more observant.

I have become a student of people, the people around me, how they behave, and how they interact. It is always interesting and a continuous source of knowledge and entertainment.

Who’d a thunk?

People watching leading to incredibly instructive Life Lessons? But it happens every day. You simply have to be open and receptive to Life, capital L, going on all around you!

Connie, my wife, is always smiling when we are out and about because: 1) She is a very happy person; and, 2) because she knows what I am doing most of the time and is amused by it.

Yes, I watch people! All kinds of people doing all sorts of things. I watch everything from the incredibly boring to the absolutely ridiculous and on to the really awesome…and I love it.

I take it all in, every Life Lesson, every morsel.

You see, for the majority of my life I kept people at arm’s length. I was likable but not really liked, I was successful without feeling like a success, and I was utterly and completely mystified by peoples’ reactions to me. Not the people who interacted with me for a moment, not the people I worked for and who signed my paychecks, not the people I was selling something to, they all liked me. I am talking about the people I worked with day in and day out, they are the ones I kept at arm’s length.

I never really connnected with them…nor did I want to.

I just didn’t have time for them and I certainly didn’t have the time to nurture friendships or relationships. I had a lot of acquaintances and virtually no friends. That may sound callous, and even a bit sad, and I suppose it was. It was the nature of the business or businesses I was in and how I was brought up.

I invested heavily in my family but beyond that I built a wall.

Life Lesson and Advice (good and bad)

My grandfather, a self-made multi-millionaire who started out as an elevator boy in the GM building, in Detroit, and went on to sit on the board of directors once said this to me:

“Don’t trust anything unless you see it in writing…and then doubt it. Don’t trust anyone, not even me!”

“Not even me!”

That was my grandfather who I worshipped and who I respected. That blew back my hair a bit. But he had made it! What was good for Gramps was certainly good enough for me. So became that person, a Type A Driver.

Never trust anyone?

“OK Gramps!”

Gramps’ Advice and Success In Business

From that point forward, in all and anything I did, I was the guy. And, if I wasn’t, I was busting my tail to get there. I was the top guy in the company or I tortured myself and everyone else until I got there.

I was making 5 figures a month and 6 figures a year by the time I was 23 years of age. I had a nice home and a 25′ Ericson sailboat. I bought the sailboat even though I had never been on a sailboat in my life. I had a Honda 1000 Goldwing motorcycle before I had a license to ride on it. I always had 2 new cars in the driveway, in addition to the one I got free from the company.

It was all paid for, cash!

Success!

Yes, I was a success, at least my parents thought so.

My Mom loved the local press I received and my Dad actually said he was proud of me for the first time in my life. That, in spite of being an Eagle Scout, junior class president in high school, a 3-letter winner in sports, student council representative, first chair in the symphonic band, the Top Teen named by the local, weekly Cleveland newspaper, a US Army veteran, a Life Member of the Disabled American Veterans, and a whole lot more.

None of that mattered!

It was the sailboat, the house, the motorcycle, the cars and all that defined success in my world, and that of my parents and grandparents…so I pursued the trappings of success.

And I hated every minute of it!

I hated working for someone else. I would eventually strike out on my own.

I hated sales. Swore I would never sell again in my life. Little did I know!

I hated the fact that I hadn’t finished college after discharge. So I went back.

And, I hated that I felt doomed to do what I hated for the rest of my life! Every day, each and every day I loathed the position I was in and felt helpless to do anything about it…so I worked harder, pressed harder, drove harder!

Was I a success?

Sure, just ask anyone!

Was I a success?

Not if you asked me, not if I was honest with you…but that was a stretch, at least back then. But deep down I was in pain, as much as any physical pain I had ever suffered.

The Good, The Bad, and The Driver

So, let’s stay in the mid-to-late ’70s. The economy was booming. The Jimmy Carter recession hadn’t taken hold yet, devastating much of the country and forever transforming the Midwest.

Life was good in the USA…for most anyway.

I was out of the US Army, a disabled veteran, young, married, cocky with a great job (public perception) and a rosy future.

And I was a Driver!

Meaning, I was not only a Type A personality. I was driven!

While the theory of the Type A and B personality has come under scrutiny over the years (its inception in the 1950s), most people still know what you mean when you refer to someone as a Type A personality.

Well, I was Type A on steroids! As stated, what I and many of my friends and associates called a Driver!

Forget about the controversy since its inception, if I walked up to you as a twenty-something young man, you would immediately know several things about me:

1) I exuded a sense of urgency, even impatience when it came to time…particularly wasted time. I got right to the point and immediately down to business. While this caused irritation and even exasperation in others, I also felt those emotions myself…constantly! Time was money and money was time. There was time for one thing…making more money!

2) There was a kind of hostility just beneath the surface, what some have referred to as free floating hostility. But it was more irritation triggered by a sense of urgency and the need to get everything done…yesterday.

3) I was super competitive and this made me goal-oriented to the point of obsession. Achievement, and being recognized by others for that achievement, was an integral part of my personality. I loved the accolades and placed undue stress upon myself; and, that stress carried over into everything I did because regardless of what it was, I had to be the best at it. Period!

Remarkably, there are still employers today who would read that and say, “So? What’s the problem?”

Well, this was great for my employers. I was driven and I worked 80 hours a week on straight commission.

Loved the money, hated the pressure, never told a soul.

As stated, it was great for my employers and it was also fantastic for my clients. I was always working without a net, early on for someone else; and, later for myself. I was motivated to deliver nothing but the best service, to be the best producer, the top salesman in the company, in the country, or the world.

As a marketing consultant? There was only outbound marketing at that time…although it was not called outbound marketing. I was the guy who brought in the biggest clients, kept them the longest, generated new revenue streams and referrals, wrapped everything up quickly so we could move on.

And then:

Close! Close! Close!

And so on, day after day, week after week, etc, etc, etc….

I can hear Yul Brenner in The King and I when I write that:

“etc…etc…etc…”

If you’ve seen the movie Instinct with Donald Sutherland and Cuba Gooding, Jr. (good movie BTW, especially for a physical anthropologist with an interest in primatology) this will sound familiar:

I worked very hard to make sure all the right people liked me and that I was always at the top of the heap. Mattered to whom? To me and to those who could impact my future, my upward mobility…and my bank balance.

Not a pretty picture, is it?

Yet this type of person, particularly in sales, marketing, certain aspects of the law, some brokerage firms, and in some sports, was not only valued, they (we) were all but deified. Amazingly, in some of life’s arenas they still are!

OK! Getting back to the Life Lesson and the reason for this post.

I ran into myself the other morning, that other self, that self from years ago…and it was interesting.

I have a friend whose husband is me, at least me 30 years ago, and it took me back in an instant.

Interestingly, I have recently come to know several Type A businessmen, some as friends, most as acquaintances (their choice), many now retired. These retired, Type A businessmen seem to be forever stuck in that mode, that miserable, self-loathing, Type A Driver mode…and it is very sad!

You know something, the guy I’m talking about? I did not like him, not at all.

The saddest part?

He is probably right where I was way back then…self-loathing, feeling trapped. Or, it may be too soon, he may still be in love with the power and the idea of becoming a “Success!”

One thing is certain, he is me and I was him.

Scary!

Life Lesson: Breaking Free

What did it take for me to break the mold?

Was I doomed to this sort of driven behavior?

Was it part of my makeup, my personality, as so many would argue…hardwired from inception?

From birth?

“You can’t change the spots on a leopard”…or so they say.

Hence the Life Lesson!

I almost lost my life and in almost losing my life, in brushing with the ultimate reality, I discovered myself, my true self…and saved my life.

I am talking about my real life, the only life worth saving…because that other person had died inside a very long time ago.

I had actually started down the path to self-awareness in the mid-80s.

I had a brush with a very serious, often life-threatening illness and spend 12 weeks in one of the best hospitals in the Midwest. I was transferred there after a few weeks at a local hospital, the local hospital totally inept and unable to diagnose the illness. Interestingly, it took the “better” hospital just 48 hours to diagnose the illness and then a few more weeks to beat it.

Like anything, there are good and bad providers, there are experts and then there are experts.

I was lucky…I would be lucky again a decade later.

Interestingly, that second brush with death (the first was in 1972, the third in 1998-2008) put me on the road I am on now. That experience, facing my own mortality, allowed me enough time to disengage and to realize I was not doomed.

I discovered that my life had not been set on an unalterable course, and that what I had been told from the very beginning of my life, from its inception, was wrong!

I should and in fact had to change the course of my life…or I wouldn’t make it.

I almost didn’t!

So, I went back to school. I graduated summa cum laude, went on to study for my doctorate, and the competitive spirit lead me to immerse myself in something I loved. I found out that it was OK to be driven, as long as whatever was driving you was something you loved, something you had a passion for, something you actually could take control of and ultimately become part of and contribute to.

I guess I became a different sort of driver, one in control of my life and how it unfolded…instead of being someone else’s trained seal, performing to someone else’s tune, and living some else’s definition of success.

How awful!

Yes, I agree with the 12 Steppers of AA, NA, and CA…control is an illusion. But there are degrees of control. Ultimate control is beyond our grasp, there are too many variables to control.

However, if you love your life, what you are doing and who you are sharing it with…the rest seems to flow.

Life Lesson: Are there bumps?

Certainly!

Ultimately, the new life is a cakewalk compared to the old life, the life of a Type A driver, the life of a success, particularly someone else’s idea of success.

Life Lesson: You do have choices to make and regardless of how deeeep you are in it, (the ending of and the variation of a four letter word) you can always extricate yourself from misery and from a life that has gotten away from you.

You get a do-over !

Life Lesson: In my case, it took a Higher Power, a Supreme Being, God, Infinite Intelligence, and Obi-Wan Kenobi, or whatever you believe in, to take their fist and slap me up side the head and clear my thinking and my vision long enough to see the person looking back at me in the mirror.

The person I saw looking back at me the other day was not in the mirror, it was a real person, and he was an early 3o-something high powered, Type A Driver…and I didn’t like him…because I didn’t like me at that stage in my life.

How could I?

Success and Life Lessons: If you look in the mirror and the person looking back at you is someone you don’t recognize, or someone you simply cannot face, then you have failed.

Get busy!

Recreate your Self and your Life before you are on your death bed, as Sam Walton was, uttering those sadly tragic words:

“I blew it!“

If that isn’t the ultimate Life Lesson…I don’t know what is?

If people don’t look forward to your company, if you are annoyed in and by the presence of others, impatient and controlling? Rethink the direction of your life before it is too late, before you are gone. Because, there is indeed one instance when you can’t change the spots of a leopard (or your stars)…and that is in the last moments of life.

Do you want to remember an amazing life and be remembered as someone who was empathetic, compassionate, caring, loving, and giving?

Or do you want to be thought of as a Driver?

Life Lesson? I am glad I ran into that young man and I am sorry for him. He has a long journey ahead and, unfortunately, it will take an incredibly powerful force, event, or series of events to change the trajectory of his life!

Life Lesson: It can be done! I did it. He can do it. So can you!

The payoff is incredible!

I love my life now…and to think I almost didn’t make it!

You can too! But it is up to you and it takes desire, self-awareness, honesty…and a mirror!

Good luck to you!

John

Life Lessons: The Ultimate Question?
How do you want to live and define your life?

Throughout our lives we are faced with many decisions, some of them are very difficult and present themselves at crucial points along the way. Many of the decisions we are faced with will ultimately shape and define the course of our lives; and, the become life lessons!

These choices, when they present themselves, are almost never easy and usually have to do with a price that must be paid, at times a high price, in order to achieve a certain goal or result. In most cases, the result or goal we are seeking is something we must trade for, something we will receive in return for something we must give of ourselves….and others, directly or indirectly.

In other words, in order to achieve the goal or goals we view to be so important, we may have to pay a heavy price.

Interestingly, the decisions we must make and the commitments we are required to make along with them, for goals we are (or were) actively pursuing, goals we had determined to be essential to our overall success in life, may not be the same decisions and/or commitments we would make in retrospect, with the added 20/20 perspective only hindsight can provide.

Not only do many of the goals seem unimportant once we achieve them, we may also question the decision making that went into such a quest to begin with.

Once again, many of these goals come at a significant cost, not only to ourselves, but also to those we love and care for.

I am often reminded of the saying:

Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it!

This is so true!

Significantly, many of the career and life goals we set out to achieve early in our careers, the goals we set for ourselves and for our family, come at too high a price.

In many instances, when faced with the ultimate question:

Success at what price?

Many would be unwilling to pay the price if they knew then what they only come to know much later.

Goals and Material Things

This is particularly true when the goals in life are linked to material goods or “things.” Many of the “things” we attach so much significance to when we are young just do not appear to have the same value later in life. Many of the material “things” are generally not worth the price that must be paid by ourselves and those we love to attain, achieve, and/or acquire them.

This realization is generally viewed from a perspective of time and proximity!

In other words, the closer we get to whatever it is we once believed to crucial to our success, the achievement of a goal that will in some way define us and transform our lives, and those of our loved ones, the more likely we are to see it in an entirely different light.

Additionally, the more severe the cost, particularly in terms of the human cost, trading our time (our absence) for an object or a gratifying moment, the less apt we would be to pay for it had we to do it over again.

Think for a moment about that before getting defensive and saying “You are just being negative!”

Do you know what Sam Walton’s last 3 words were?

One of the most “successful” men on the planet and the founder of Wal-Mart said this:

“I blew it!”

Thanks to my friend Marc Warnke, author of Family First Entrepreneurship (awesome book about time, proximity, and family!) for that video!

What we have invested in, usually our blood, sweat, tears, and time may no longer seem important…or even appropriate given time and proximity.

Perhaps an example will help!

In 1984 I got a job with an advertising and marketing company and immediately went to a solid 6 figure income. I had just walked away from a business I founded and still owned part of because I had become the Dunkin Donuts guy! Remember him? Talk about a memorable USP (unique selling proposition)!

“I made the donuts!”

Well, I was that guy. I was working 16 to 18 hours a day 6 days a week and then doing paperwork for several hours on Sunday…just to catch up. Only to begin again on Monday. What had once been my baby and the most important thing in my life had turned into something akin to the entrepreneurial version of the Bataan Death March, in both physical and psychological terms!

The havoc that schedule was wreaking on my health after three years was noticeable and the effect and impact on my mental outlook was nothing short of disastrous. I was beginning a new life, my son was still young, and I didn’t want the rest of my life to be an everyday death march, passing myself coming and going 365 days a year.

So I got out!

Not right away, mind you..but I knew something had to change. It took getting sick, mononucleosis as a matter of fact.  Mono seemed particularly appropriate for some reason because I owned a health club and trained athletes. But what mono really did for me was it allowed me to step away from the trees long enough to see the forest. Once I did, the decision was easy. I was killing myself bit by bit but was so invested in the “ownership” of the concept the business was built up0on I lost sight of the fact that the business no longer looked anything like the one I started 4 years earlier.

And, I had indeed become The Dunkin Donuts Guy!

The decision was made easier when a friend, Dave M, walked into my office and put his paycheck on the table. He knew I was one of those people you call a “born salesman,” even though I hate conventional sales tactics, and particularly script selling. Dave also knew I was thinking about moving on to a new venture….but what?

Well, Dave looked me in the eye and asked me how long I was going to continue to kill myself when he knew for a fact that I could make at least as much as he had put in front of me, week in and week out and not work half as hard. The paycheck, for a 4 and 1/2 day workweek was in the mid-4 figures.

Now, when I started my business we were bringing in between $20,000 and $30,000 a month, during the late 70s and early 80s recession, but that was channeled right back into the business and I rarely took a dime. As time went on, although the business was doing well, I never bothered to take a paycheck because the business was mine, until I started taking on partners (big mistake and the topic for another post), and I really didn’t need the money.

Nice, huh?

But I was intrigued with Dave’s offer!

I said I would think about it, talked to Connie about the traveling involved in a advertising and marketing gig and the stress of a marketing job like that, and decided to go ahead with it.

That 6 figure position came complete with a road map to the good life. I had a new direction to my life, a direction based on a decision made at a time when I wasn’t really thinking clearly. But the decision seemed to be a good one. I was on my way, set new goals, and even said “I do!”

New job, new life, new wife, new home in my home town of Bay Village…what more could one ask for?

My attorney notified me after two months with the firm that I was officially making enough money to put me in the top 5% of all wage earners in the country!

All seemed right with the world!

“Then Depression Set In! Bill Murray in Stripes

I’ll never forget that line!

Unfortunately, I hadn’t taken into account how taxing the travel would be, 3 weeks out of every month on the road, home for the weekend only to go back on the road Sunday night or early Monday morning. Yes, Connie traveled with me from time to time but it was distracting and I felt guilty leaving her for extended periods at the hotel. Here we were, newlyweds and I was leaving 3 of every 4 weeks in the month. And I wasn’t traveling to postcard destinations!

I was going to Buffalo, Detroit, Cincinnati, Columbus, Pittsburgh, and, heaven help me, Ashtabula and Chillicothe, Ohio. Yes, the money was super and we were put up in Las Vegas on the company for as few days and I was routinely in the top 5 in the country…but the traveling was a downer.

I also hadn’t realized how much I would hate the prospecting part of the business, it had been presented quite differently! I was often making cold calls for 3-5 hours a day, Tuesday through Thursday, in order to set up my afternoon sales appointments and presentations. I got to the point where I could not pick up the telephone without getting physically ill and would be in a bad mood all day Sunday, knowing I had to go back on the road Sunday night or Monday.

Talk about hating the phone and cold calling! Something I still haven’t overcome!

I was the Dunkin Donuts guy again!

I finally came to the realization, just as I had with my own business, that regardless of the money and the commitment, I had to quit!

This was way before Seth Godin’s popularity but we would have been on the same page:

This wasn’t a Dip, this was a cliff! And, there was nothing else to do but QUIT!

The stress of being in a Type A environment and being a Type A personality, I was doomed to repeat this sort of scenario over and over again. I was selling myself to the highest bidder for a paycheck.

I needed something else…something more…or the cycle would repeat itself over and over again for the rest of my life!

The cost of pursuing that lifestyle came at a such a high price to myself and family, both in terms of time away from the family but also in terms of the high stress carryover into our family’s day-to-day affairs, it just wasn’t worth it.

Our loved ones suffer, often silently, as they watch us burn the candle at both ends, as well as in the middle, just to provide more material “things.”

Something had to change!

You know, most families would rather have us home and happy versus killing ourselves for a few bucks more in a paycheck…and a house with too many bedrooms.

Time, Proximity, and Do-Overs

Sadly, time and proximity are tough to buck!

Unless you buy into the whole Back to the Future thing and have access to a Flux Capacitor and an old DeLorean, hindsight is pretty much going to remain hindsight.

I have talked about do-overs here before and I was granted a do-over. New family, new educational opportunities, a new lease on life, literally. I got my do-over and so far have not squandered it…so far. Funny thing about time, it does things to you memory and may even alter perspective, it is a trap.

The old saying:

Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it!

I will not forget the lessons of my past. The things I thought were so crucial? The goals and the things I believed important? The things that would define my success and provide the lifestyle I had envisioned for my family?

I was wrong!

I hope you are able to benefit from my hindsight. “Choose wisely Grasshopper!” Many of the goals we set for ourselves are based on what someone else pushed into our heads from early on in our lives and the things we think precious? They are right in front of you when you sit at the dinner table. They are next to you when you say good night. They are on the other end of the telephone saying “I love you Dad!” when they are away from home.

The most important things in life, the life lessons?

It’s the intangibles!

The rest is scrap! The rest is replaceable, breaks, rusts, burns down, gets stolen, is devalued or is otherwise impermanent.

We come into this world naked and we are going out the same way. The only thing permanent you will have with you as you face your maker, and Sam Walton found this out too late (I wonder how much he would have paid for a do-over? My bet? Anything! )  is the love of those you have touched…that is your immortality!

Your ultimate success will be defined in terms of how others remember you. Your ultimate success will be viewed in terms of the TIME you spent with those you love and who love you! Your success will be recognized in terms of the PROXIMITY you allowed others to have to you!

Time and Proximity

Unfortunately, as most of your moms have probably said about you, and mine said about me, we seem to have to learn things for ourselves…the hard way! I hope not!

Do you want to be able to say:

I got it right…I nailed it! My life had value and meaning!

Or will you say what so many others have said before you:

I blew it!

Thanks for taking the time to get through this. I know it took some time and I hope you feel it was well invested. If so, please pass this along, comment, provide feedback…including your own anecdotes!

Thanks!

John Zajaros
The Ultimate Internet Image
Lakewood, Ohio 44107
216-712-7004 (office)
440-821-7018 (cell)
Skype: johnzajaros1
excellencepaidforward@gmail.com (personal email address)

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