Success is About Helping the Other Person Get There! 

A new client wrote:

Jack-ok-you’re stuck with me. LET’S DO THIS!!!!

I kind of look at this not just as an Internet thing but you are almost a life/business coach as well.

Your experiences as a business owner are invaluable.

I’m Extremely excited to get this moving.

You da man!!

I wrote back:

No! You da man!

I’m glad to have you as a client, a mentee, and a friend! This will be fun for both of us!

Let’s meet tomorrow or Saturday. I’m proud of you (name here). I know it was a tough decision….

This email exchange made everything worth it:

• The sacrifices
• The late nights with no sleep
• The hours invested in developing relationships via social media
• Watching StomperNet videos until I couldn’t watch another
• Reading book upon ebook
• Immersing myself in articles, blog posts, and ecourses
• Overcoming the self-doubt we all face. Yup! We all have it…it’s how we work through it that defines us
• And all the hard work….

Once again, I am the luckiest man alive. Not only because of my business successes but because I have the support of an amazing family and the privilege to work with exactly who I choose to work with…and when! Can anyone think of a better way to spend your working life?

And to think I almost lost my life to illness!

Have a wonderful life. Because it is indeed a wonderful life!

John Zajaros

Writing: A Love-Hate Relationship

It doesn’t take any special talent or genius to notice that the world we live in has changed. The world is smaller both in the sense of travel and communication. And, because the world is smaller, in the virtual realm at least, we are all more connected…or at least we have the potential to be. With a few clicks of the mouse or a keyboard we can communicate with someone halfway around the world, as if they were sitting in our living room.

Video and all!

What does require mentioning, or at least it must be noted, is that how we communicate has changed, drastically.

No, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to note that things have changed. What needs to be noted is how, and at times how badly, we communicate with each other as a result of these changes.

I have a love/hate relationship with the written word!

I love to write and hate to write.

I love to write because I feel it takes more time to shape what I am going to say and how I am going to say it. I love to write because it makes me think about each and every word I put on a page. I love to write because I have the ability to walk away from what I think I wrote, let it sit long enough for me to look at it with fresh eyes, and come back to it. And finally, I love to write because I can come back to what I think I’ve written, look at what I’ve actually written, and edit it so it communicates my original thoughts in a clear and meaningful manner.

The writing process takes coming up with an idea, thought, planning, time, and patience.

In the end, writing is a beautiful way to communicate because it forces one to think before spouting off or shooting from the hip; and, because it forces one to really think about not only the message but the vehicle of expression and, usually, the context in which the message will be delivered.

How great is that?

On the other hand, I hate writing because it requires time and patience. A paradox? I also hate writing because it is labor intensive. And, I hate writing because writing has changed, as the way we communicate the written word has changed.

Why?

You see, writing used to be something that required all of the things I mentioned when I spoke of my love for writing…and more. Writing used to be about writing stories and letters people appreciated receiving for all the very reasons I love writing.

In other words, the people reading my words knew I had taken the time to sit down and create something special, something unique, and something dedicated to the individual receiving the message.

Or at least that was the impression!

Now?

Sadly, as our world becomes more connected, and as we gain the ability to communicate with people halfway around the world with the click of a mouse or a few clicks of the keyboard, the written word has morphed into email and tweets and posts and texts.

Very often these messages, verbal expressions in written form, have little to do with meaningful communication.

Or, at the very least, they have lost the depth in terms of process and meaning.

In other words, it is no longer necessary to come up with an idea. It is no longer necessary to develop that idea into a well-thought out plan or outline. It is no longer necessary to plan how the message will be communicated and received. It is no longer a matter of taking the time to develop an idea, think about how to communicate it, and how to contextualize it so it is received properly.

And finally, and this is a reflection of the times and all things Internet, patience is no longer in the picture…at all!

In today’s world, we go from idea to blasting that idea to 500 or 5,000 or 50,000 or 500,000 or 1.5 million or 15 million or 150 million in an instant. An instant later, that thought, well-thought out or not, is picked up by Google and scrolled across monitors from here to Hanoi, the world certainly has changed!

No thought, no time, no editing, no patience, and very little meaning!

We have gone from a society that treasured the written word to a society that has transformed it into tweets and posts and emails and texts!

Argh! Texts!!

Where will it all end?

I haven’t the foggiest!

I do know one thing: I am as guilty of this as the next person…or was!

I’d send out an email and have someone react badly to an idea; only to find out that I had written one thing and communicated something altogether different. The difference between what I thought I was saying, and what was being received at the other end, was a consequence of a few badly placed words and an inadequately shaped message.

Why?

Because I forgot the formula and I didn’t take the time!

The writing process is all-the-more corrupted on and by Twitter and Facebook.

In fact, it has been forever altered by social media. We shoot from the hip or blast out meaningless comments to people we don’t know, and have no way of knowing, beyond the 140 characters and the profile picture they allow us to see.

But that’s the topic for a different sort of article.

Want a real eye-opener?

Watch Surrogates with Bruce Willis, arguably his worst move ever…and that includes Die Hard II. But the idea behind Surrogates is happening today, online and throughout social media.

Doubt it?

Think about it!

What is actually behind that smiling face?

The one the profile picture projects?

Do you have any way of knowing?

In a few cases, you do…if they use video and/or you have had actual, human interaction.

But for the majority?

We have no idea!

But we blather away and divulge our innermost thoughts to total stangers and we don’t even think about what we are going to say, how we are going to say it, or who we are saying it to.

We shoot from the hip…and then it is gone!

Can we fix this?

I doubt it!

I believe we have gone over to The Dark Side...or whatever comes next.

The saddest part?

We have children, teenagers, and young adults who will never know the wonder of the written word, rarely read, and never sit down to write anything more meaningful than a video description or a text message.

Is the written word dead?

Not in the Fahernheit 451 sense, at least not yet.

But as we once knew it?

I am afraid so!

I speak to students every day who cannot write. I know college students who, beyond English 101 and English 102, have never taken an essay exam or written a paper.

I have hired writers making serious money on the various “Guru” and “Freelancer” outsourcing sites who cannot write conversationally, writers I have rejected because I refused to accept what they had written…much less put my name on it.

Most writers today cannot write conversationally and are unable to string thoughts together into a cohesive whole.

Sad but true!

Where will it end?

I have no way of knowing. But the evolution is in high gear and we are witnessing the transition online and in our schools today. The end result cannot be good. The written word has been around almost as long as we have in one form or another: first as rudimentary symbols; and ultimately as forms defining meaning.

There is a fundamental link between what happens in our brain, what we put on paper. It is how we learn! Writing is an integral component in the learning process and one that is being written out, forgive the pun.

You probably stopped reading this a while ago.

However, if you didn’t?

I’ll see you on Twitter!

Thanks for taking the time to read this and please leave your thoughts, they enrich all of us!

John Zajaros
The Ultimate Internet Image
Lakewood, Ohio 44107
216-712-7004

Or…The Linchpin Trilogy!

Heaven By Way of a Map – Part I

How’s that for a title?!

I thought over the next week or so I would write a couple of articles, and maybe throw in a couple of videos about what is is really like to come back from The Dark Side…the side of life so many are running away from every day. Running with a part of themselves still anchored in that old mindset and that old life.

Those are difficult shackles to break and the scars of the chains will perhaps remain forever.

Will they last for the remainder of my life? It is hard to say!

Most of us were raised with a certain mindset, some of it a carryover from The Great Depression thinking of our grandparents and great grandparents.

And some of it, a consequence of the old school Horatio Alger Rags to Riches mythology so many bought into with no real map for how to do anything more than grow up, go to college, get a job, get married, have 2 or 3 or 4 kids (I have a funny story for later on about that), place money in a retirement account, watch it grow (slowly), work for the same company for our entire adult lives, wait for retirement, play with our grandkids, perhaps travel a bit (on less than we struggled to live on for the last 50 years – I don’t think so), and die!

Scary…but true!

So, I thought I would share a bit of how I unshackled and my thoughts about the experience over the next few days.

Will it have to do with entrepreneurship?

A little.

Will is have to do with inbound marketing?

Only in that it is my life raft, my way out.

But more than that, it is a signal of a shift in the fundamental mindset of millions of people who are saying in one way or another:

I am mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more!

So, on with the show!

This is an opening act. Throughout this week I will share a bit of the old thinking and some of the new; and, what it took to get here.

If it helps one person break free, or even consider breaking free, it will have been a success!

Let me know what you think!

Share your thoughts and comments below…not only for me but for everyone who stops here from time to time.

Thanks!

I slept in this morning…until noon! The old Me, still firmly entrenched after 55 years, generated more than a twinge of guilt! Old habits (and “Mes”) die hard!

The new me is sitting here in my gym shorts and a cut off t-shirt…happily typing away!

Connie is at work, she works because with my medical history no one else will insure us and, with our medical system, if we don’t have insurance and I get sick again…well, you know the rest.

Not surprisingly, TuffGuy and Bart could care less what I have on. Nor does my keyboard give a half a hoot!

But I can still hear one of my first employer saying:

“Selling is like shaving! If you don’t do it every day you’re a bum!”

Talk about a mindset sticking around!

35 years later and I can still hear his words!

Norm was a nice man who had a lot of sayings like that. He took me under his wing and allowed me to spread my wings as a salesman when no one was hiring anyone for a sales position without experience.

At that time, I was focused on one thing…making it big!

A good sales job was one of the quickest routes to “The Good Life.“

And at the time I was all for that!

Funny how we get for what we ask for and it comes back to bite us in the “butt.”

We spend years of our lives, ransoming out bits and pieces of our Selves.

And for what?

Security?

Security is an illusion!

The only security any of us have is between our ears!

The only value we offer is in what we do, how we do it, and the difficulty someone or some entity (i.e., company) has in replacing us.

In other words, Seth Godin’s words, becoming a Linchpin.

This idea isn’t new…but it certainly seems to be generating a lot of excitement.

You see, doing something extraordinary is so rare, and to many so inconceivable, that is the surest way to true “security,” whatever that means; and, if that’s what you’re after.

But it takes creating your own vision, you own map, and then having the courage to strike out on what can be an amazing journey of discovery.

But you need your own map and you need to “ship!”

In other words, you need to act…and act with a plan!

The problem has always been that we are either working from someone else’s map, a map going nowhere, or no map at all.

Sadly, the latter is usually the case.

Striking out on your own journey is frightening, nerve wracking, and wonderful.

You may feel free for the first time in your life.

Truly free!

At the very least, you will be a lot happier.

And maybe, you’ll even get to spend Mondays doing exactly what you want for as long as you want in whatever garb strikes your fancy!

Nice thought, huh?!

So, today is day one, every day is day one, and I slept in this morning…until noon!

I will write all day today, as I am at this moment, I hope it makes a difference in someone’s life…it is certainly making a difference in mine.

Make your own map. Set a course and then set out on your own journey.

And here’s the key, no matter how powerful the Old Me is, he or she will weaken!

Just never look back and never deviate from your plan!

Course corrections?

To be sure!

But focus on your map and have an amazing journey!

Life is too short to waste it following someone else’s map…live your own life!

Please share your thoughts, ideas…your story!

Thank you for taking a bit of time to read my thoughts.

You are appreciated!

John Zajaros
The Ultimate Internet Image
Lakewood, Ohio
216-712-7004

I looked at Connie’s Garden this morning and was saddened by the fact that we are coming to the end of another season.

We live in Lakewood, Ohio. Lakewood is a mixed community, a small city actually. Lakewood has all the diversity and charm you could ask for and I have come to like it very much. We were forced here by circumstances beyond our control a few years back. I was deathly ill and fighting for each and every day. I was in the hospital two weeks out of every month for almost four years, had multiple surgeries, and was in pretty bad shape. I thought my life was over.

I often tell people the choice of residence when we moved here was really a simple one: It was a choice between a 1992 Chevrolet Cavalier Station Wagon and our present home.

I am not exaggerating!

We’d come to the end of our rope and, quite literally had nowhere else to go.

So, we moved to Lakewood and into the house we now call a home.

Let me make one thing perfectly clear, (Oh my gosh! Did I just sound like Richard Nixon?) I hate to move. Even when it has been to move up and into better circumstances and surroundings…I hate to move!

Consequently, we have remained here much longer than many would have.

In one way, this house is a daily reminder of how far back we have come. It is also a constant reminder of how hard, capricious, and unforgiving life can be. It is a mixed message…and a mixed blessing. I am certain we will move on, and up, again. But for now we make the best of what we have…and what we have together.

Many spouses would have left long ago!

But Connie is different, she is wonderfully loyal and fiercely protective of her family and the life she has. I guess that includes me.

Why would she have left?

Because, for a while there, it just got too hard, being in my orbit. And, because almost everyone else did.

It’s a funny thing about serious (i.e., life-threatening) illness and the challenges that come with it, people just don’t know how to react.

For a while, people will do almost anything they can to help. They pitch in with the kids, drop off meals, make calls on your behalf, and stop by to visit. However, after a while, when it is clear the road is longer and much more complicated than they originally thought, they begin to distance themselves.

Why?

I guess it just gets too hard. People expect a happy ending, they expect you to get better, for everything to be alright. So, when it takes longer…they just can’t handle it and begin to fade away. It is normal, it is understandable, and it is very, very sad.

By the time we came here, to Lakewood, everyone had faded away and we were utterly alone.

I remember when we moved in here…

…Connie cried.

I told her it would be OK but I knew she was devastated.

For a while, things actually got worse and I moved ever closer to the end of the line.

But life is funny and once in a while you get a break. Or, you make one for yourself? Sometimes, it’s a combination. I think mine was a bit of luck and a bit of being sick and tired of being sick and tired.

In any event, I started to improve. I was still in and out of the hospital, a lot. But I was making a turn for the better. It looked like I was going to make it.

It was then that Connie bought her first flower pot.

As I started to show signs of life, it was almost as if Connie began to show signs of life, as well.

The flower pots were, at first, a big investment as we were still struggling financially. Crushing medical bills and the wreckage of a life-saved were becoming a real issue…

…but she bought more flowers.

Then, something amazing happened.

At about the time I had reached a turning point, a single, seemingly trivial act of kindness from a total stranger (Tony Robbins*) gave me just enough courage, hope, and faith to fight.

I did…fight, that is.

And the rest is reflected in Connie’s Garden.

Last summer Connie planted her first flower garden in years. It was a sad little thing but it represented hope and love and all that is good in life…and in my wife. And, I think, it reflected her love for me. I smiled whenever I looked at that garden because, while appearing so sad to anyone else who might have stumbled upon it, it was magnificent to me.

This year, Connie’s Garden is full of flowers, still small and still a bit sad looking, sad looking to anyone who doesn’t really understand Connie, our family, and what we have endured.

This year, the Connie’s Garden is a triumph!

So, when I looked at Connie’s Garden today and noticed that the flowers hadn’t bounced back quiet as quickly from yesterday’s heat and last night’s rain, it saddened me a bit.

It also reminded me of how far we have come and how everything in life cycles.

We all have good days and bad, good experiences and bad, times when everything we touch turns to gold and other times when every challenge we face seems to go against us. It isn’t that life is against us. It is simply part of a grand design, a process of birth, struggle, renewal, and constant growth.

I see that now. It has taken me 55 years but it is a clear as any lesson I have ever learned.

Would I have made it without Connie?

I doubt it!

Will Connie continue to plant flowers and make my life, our lives, beautiful…bet on it!

Ultimately, life is about faith and hope and family and love…unconditional love.

All the things in Connie’s Garden!

You see, we are all Connie’s Garden, our entire family, and, by extension, anyone in our orbit.

The wonderful thing about all of this?

Connie will continue to tend to us, nurture us, and love us.

Why?

Because there are some people who, no matter what the challenge, no matter how hard the ordeal, and no matter how much pain…

…will always plant flowers.

I am…the luckiest man on Earth…because I am part of Connie’s Garden!

Thank you for allowing me to share this with you; to share a bit of something very personal, and special…my love for a very special woman, my life.

Connie!

John Zajaros

* You can see the post I am referring to and Tony Robbins’ comment here. There is also a video follow up if for some reason you are curious.

Life Lessons: The Ultimate Question?
How do you want to live and define your life?

Throughout our lives we are faced with many decisions, some of them are very difficult and present themselves at crucial points along the way. Many of the decisions we are faced with will ultimately shape and define the course of our lives; and, the become life lessons!

These choices, when they present themselves, are almost never easy and usually have to do with a price that must be paid, at times a high price, in order to achieve a certain goal or result. In most cases, the result or goal we are seeking is something we must trade for, something we will receive in return for something we must give of ourselves….and others, directly or indirectly.

In other words, in order to achieve the goal or goals we view to be so important, we may have to pay a heavy price.

Interestingly, the decisions we must make and the commitments we are required to make along with them, for goals we are (or were) actively pursuing, goals we had determined to be essential to our overall success in life, may not be the same decisions and/or commitments we would make in retrospect, with the added 20/20 perspective only hindsight can provide.

Not only do many of the goals seem unimportant once we achieve them, we may also question the decision making that went into such a quest to begin with.

Once again, many of these goals come at a significant cost, not only to ourselves, but also to those we love and care for.

I am often reminded of the saying:

Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it!

This is so true!

Significantly, many of the career and life goals we set out to achieve early in our careers, the goals we set for ourselves and for our family, come at too high a price.

In many instances, when faced with the ultimate question:

Success at what price?

Many would be unwilling to pay the price if they knew then what they only come to know much later.

Goals and Material Things

This is particularly true when the goals in life are linked to material goods or “things.” Many of the “things” we attach so much significance to when we are young just do not appear to have the same value later in life. Many of the material “things” are generally not worth the price that must be paid by ourselves and those we love to attain, achieve, and/or acquire them.

This realization is generally viewed from a perspective of time and proximity!

In other words, the closer we get to whatever it is we once believed to crucial to our success, the achievement of a goal that will in some way define us and transform our lives, and those of our loved ones, the more likely we are to see it in an entirely different light.

Additionally, the more severe the cost, particularly in terms of the human cost, trading our time (our absence) for an object or a gratifying moment, the less apt we would be to pay for it had we to do it over again.

Think for a moment about that before getting defensive and saying “You are just being negative!”

Do you know what Sam Walton’s last 3 words were?

One of the most “successful” men on the planet and the founder of Wal-Mart said this:

“I blew it!”

Thanks to my friend Marc Warnke, author of Family First Entrepreneurship (awesome book about time, proximity, and family!) for that video!

What we have invested in, usually our blood, sweat, tears, and time may no longer seem important…or even appropriate given time and proximity.

Perhaps an example will help!

In 1984 I got a job with an advertising and marketing company and immediately went to a solid 6 figure income. I had just walked away from a business I founded and still owned part of because I had become the Dunkin Donuts guy! Remember him? Talk about a memorable USP (unique selling proposition)!

“I made the donuts!”

Well, I was that guy. I was working 16 to 18 hours a day 6 days a week and then doing paperwork for several hours on Sunday…just to catch up. Only to begin again on Monday. What had once been my baby and the most important thing in my life had turned into something akin to the entrepreneurial version of the Bataan Death March, in both physical and psychological terms!

The havoc that schedule was wreaking on my health after three years was noticeable and the effect and impact on my mental outlook was nothing short of disastrous. I was beginning a new life, my son was still young, and I didn’t want the rest of my life to be an everyday death march, passing myself coming and going 365 days a year.

So I got out!

Not right away, mind you..but I knew something had to change. It took getting sick, mononucleosis as a matter of fact.  Mono seemed particularly appropriate for some reason because I owned a health club and trained athletes. But what mono really did for me was it allowed me to step away from the trees long enough to see the forest. Once I did, the decision was easy. I was killing myself bit by bit but was so invested in the “ownership” of the concept the business was built up0on I lost sight of the fact that the business no longer looked anything like the one I started 4 years earlier.

And, I had indeed become The Dunkin Donuts Guy!

The decision was made easier when a friend, Dave M, walked into my office and put his paycheck on the table. He knew I was one of those people you call a “born salesman,” even though I hate conventional sales tactics, and particularly script selling. Dave also knew I was thinking about moving on to a new venture….but what?

Well, Dave looked me in the eye and asked me how long I was going to continue to kill myself when he knew for a fact that I could make at least as much as he had put in front of me, week in and week out and not work half as hard. The paycheck, for a 4 and 1/2 day workweek was in the mid-4 figures.

Now, when I started my business we were bringing in between $20,000 and $30,000 a month, during the late 70s and early 80s recession, but that was channeled right back into the business and I rarely took a dime. As time went on, although the business was doing well, I never bothered to take a paycheck because the business was mine, until I started taking on partners (big mistake and the topic for another post), and I really didn’t need the money.

Nice, huh?

But I was intrigued with Dave’s offer!

I said I would think about it, talked to Connie about the traveling involved in a advertising and marketing gig and the stress of a marketing job like that, and decided to go ahead with it.

That 6 figure position came complete with a road map to the good life. I had a new direction to my life, a direction based on a decision made at a time when I wasn’t really thinking clearly. But the decision seemed to be a good one. I was on my way, set new goals, and even said “I do!”

New job, new life, new wife, new home in my home town of Bay Village…what more could one ask for?

My attorney notified me after two months with the firm that I was officially making enough money to put me in the top 5% of all wage earners in the country!

All seemed right with the world!

“Then Depression Set In! Bill Murray in Stripes

I’ll never forget that line!

Unfortunately, I hadn’t taken into account how taxing the travel would be, 3 weeks out of every month on the road, home for the weekend only to go back on the road Sunday night or early Monday morning. Yes, Connie traveled with me from time to time but it was distracting and I felt guilty leaving her for extended periods at the hotel. Here we were, newlyweds and I was leaving 3 of every 4 weeks in the month. And I wasn’t traveling to postcard destinations!

I was going to Buffalo, Detroit, Cincinnati, Columbus, Pittsburgh, and, heaven help me, Ashtabula and Chillicothe, Ohio. Yes, the money was super and we were put up in Las Vegas on the company for as few days and I was routinely in the top 5 in the country…but the traveling was a downer.

I also hadn’t realized how much I would hate the prospecting part of the business, it had been presented quite differently! I was often making cold calls for 3-5 hours a day, Tuesday through Thursday, in order to set up my afternoon sales appointments and presentations. I got to the point where I could not pick up the telephone without getting physically ill and would be in a bad mood all day Sunday, knowing I had to go back on the road Sunday night or Monday.

Talk about hating the phone and cold calling! Something I still haven’t overcome!

I was the Dunkin Donuts guy again!

I finally came to the realization, just as I had with my own business, that regardless of the money and the commitment, I had to quit!

This was way before Seth Godin’s popularity but we would have been on the same page:

This wasn’t a Dip, this was a cliff! And, there was nothing else to do but QUIT!

The stress of being in a Type A environment and being a Type A personality, I was doomed to repeat this sort of scenario over and over again. I was selling myself to the highest bidder for a paycheck.

I needed something else…something more…or the cycle would repeat itself over and over again for the rest of my life!

The cost of pursuing that lifestyle came at a such a high price to myself and family, both in terms of time away from the family but also in terms of the high stress carryover into our family’s day-to-day affairs, it just wasn’t worth it.

Our loved ones suffer, often silently, as they watch us burn the candle at both ends, as well as in the middle, just to provide more material “things.”

Something had to change!

You know, most families would rather have us home and happy versus killing ourselves for a few bucks more in a paycheck…and a house with too many bedrooms.

Time, Proximity, and Do-Overs

Sadly, time and proximity are tough to buck!

Unless you buy into the whole Back to the Future thing and have access to a Flux Capacitor and an old DeLorean, hindsight is pretty much going to remain hindsight.

I have talked about do-overs here before and I was granted a do-over. New family, new educational opportunities, a new lease on life, literally. I got my do-over and so far have not squandered it…so far. Funny thing about time, it does things to you memory and may even alter perspective, it is a trap.

The old saying:

Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it!

I will not forget the lessons of my past. The things I thought were so crucial? The goals and the things I believed important? The things that would define my success and provide the lifestyle I had envisioned for my family?

I was wrong!

I hope you are able to benefit from my hindsight. “Choose wisely Grasshopper!” Many of the goals we set for ourselves are based on what someone else pushed into our heads from early on in our lives and the things we think precious? They are right in front of you when you sit at the dinner table. They are next to you when you say good night. They are on the other end of the telephone saying “I love you Dad!” when they are away from home.

The most important things in life, the life lessons?

It’s the intangibles!

The rest is scrap! The rest is replaceable, breaks, rusts, burns down, gets stolen, is devalued or is otherwise impermanent.

We come into this world naked and we are going out the same way. The only thing permanent you will have with you as you face your maker, and Sam Walton found this out too late (I wonder how much he would have paid for a do-over? My bet? Anything! )  is the love of those you have touched…that is your immortality!

Your ultimate success will be defined in terms of how others remember you. Your ultimate success will be viewed in terms of the TIME you spent with those you love and who love you! Your success will be recognized in terms of the PROXIMITY you allowed others to have to you!

Time and Proximity

Unfortunately, as most of your moms have probably said about you, and mine said about me, we seem to have to learn things for ourselves…the hard way! I hope not!

Do you want to be able to say:

I got it right…I nailed it! My life had value and meaning!

Or will you say what so many others have said before you:

I blew it!

Thanks for taking the time to get through this. I know it took some time and I hope you feel it was well invested. If so, please pass this along, comment, provide feedback…including your own anecdotes!

Thanks!

John Zajaros
The Ultimate Internet Image
Lakewood, Ohio 44107
216-712-7004 (office)
440-821-7018 (cell)
Skype: johnzajaros1
excellencepaidforward@gmail.com (personal email address)

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Celebrating Life: Faith, Hope, Desire, Unconditional Love, and a Little Luck!

What can I say about this weekend? It was one of the best, if not the best, of my life…and that’s saying a lot!

Connie and I are celebrating of 26th year as husband and wife today and this past weekend was a nonstop celebration.

A little over a year ago I was still a regular visitor at the local hospital and frankly wasn’t making plans into the future. I was so sick I was literally in the hospital 2 of every 4 weeks from December of 2004 through April of 2008…and then on and off until last year.

Now?

The future is wide open and the possibilities are infinite!

Last night I got to spend the evening with my precious little granddaughter Kailyn. Kailyn and I have a special bond and the love is unconditional. I wasn’t sure if I could love another human being as much as I love my wife and daughters but Kailyn has laid that fear to rest…she is the embodiment of unconditional love!

Brynnie is amazing, so cute. But Brynnie as also afraid of the loud noises, so we had a problem. Connie put her own feelings and desires aside, as always, and offered to stay behind and watch Brynn while I spent “Grandpa Time” with Kailyn.

It was one of the best experiences I’ve had in a long time!

I am sharing this with you for one reason:

To give you hope!

If you are in a rough patch? If you are struggling? If life isn’t exactly what you’d hoped it would be?

There is a light at the end of the tunnel!

You are only constrained by your hope, faith, desire, and imagination. If there is an ounce of fight left in you?

Fight!

Life is worth it!

This is just a glimpse into what is waiting for you at the end of the tunnel if you don’t quit, if you continue to press on, and if you have faith in yourself and in people…because people are amazing!

The funny thing about people is while we’ve been taught to be somewhat skeptical, and even a bit cynical at times, we all want to believe…believe in what is good, honest, and true.

I have to tell you: People are good! People want to help! People want to share! And people will open themselves up to you if you show genuine empathy, compassion, and honesty! That’s why social media is such a hit! It has nothing to do with the Internet and everything to do with our thirst for something real, something or someone we can connect with and believe in!

That certain something is out there, it is available to you…providing you are willing to open up, be yourself, and have faith in your fellow man or woman.

People are amazing…and so is life! If you give both a chance, immersing yourself in life while allowing people in, you will never be sorry, at least not in the ways that really matter.

Well, enough for today. I few too many exclamation points, perhaps? But that’s the kind of high I an riding…a good high…a natural high…the kind of high that comes from:

Celebrating Life: Faith, Hope, Desire, Unconditional Love, and a Little Luck!

Take care and, as always, contact me anytime if you need to!

John Zajaros (and Kailyn)
440-821-7018 (cell)
excellencepaidforward@gmail.com (personal email address)
The Ultimate Internet Image
Lakewood, Ohio

PS, I hope you enjoy the video!

Life Lessons: Word of Mouth Advertising Going Strong After 4 Decades
The Lesson of Jack Palmer and Chuck Christian

My little dog, TuffGuy, and I were out for our usual midnight walk last night. We started last summer, a way to get back into shape, lose some weight (both of us), and overcome the chronic back pain and sciatica I had endured for many years. TuffGuy and I walked last year until the snow fell; it was a very enjoyable routine. We stopped, mainly because the salt and ice hurt his paws. TuffGuy would have continued, just as dogs will walk with their masters in the hot summer sun until they fall over dead of heat exhaustion, too loyal and too happy for the time together to quit. I have always thought of that as the most powerful example of unconditional love I have every heard of. For that reason I am well aware of how far dogs will push themselves beyond the pain barrier, just to be with their masters, so I am very careful with ours.

We also stopped because people don’t shovel their sidewalks anymore. In fact, I believe the failure to shovel your sidewalk, while seemingly very insignificant, is really a symptom of the fact that neighbors and neighborhoods aren’t connected. In fact, we aren’t even neighbors and there aren’t neighborhoods any more, just people living next door or in the area. Yes, there are exceptions but for the most part, the “village” is long gone. Perhaps everyone is inside tweeting? For whatever the reason, “neighbors” have, as a general rule, ceased to care about the residents on either side of them.

So, why bother!

Anyway, when I lost my walking buddy, my accountability partner, as I call him, it just wasn’t as much fun. When the fun went out of it, I just stopped, not willing to risk the sidewalks and the ice…not after 15 major surgeries on my neck, back, and shoulder.

No way!

So, when the weather started to get nice again, I got the itch. I also felt the waistline on my pants a bit more than I wanted to. Then, my daughter said TuffGuy was starting to look like a sausage!

Well, offend me but never my dog!

Consequently, TuffGuy and I were right back at it, saying hello to all the doormen in front of the bars along Detroit Ave; and, all as if we hadn’t missed a beat. I am always greeted with a friendly smile and a kind word but it is TuffGuy that gets the bulk of the attention:

“Hey! TuffffGuuuyyy!”

Is the standard greeting from the doormen.

“Awwww isn’t he cute!”

Comes from the pretty girls.

He, of course, wants nothing to do with them but they all want to pet him.

Now, if I were a 20 something single guy…..

Need I say more?

TuffGuy is what we used to so inappropriately call a “chick magnet” back in the day. In fact, he works better than any Corvette I have ever owned or been seen in! Often on Detroit Ave when I was growing up.

Life Lesson: If you’re a single guy and want to meet pretty girls?

Get a cute little dog and go for walks on any street in America like Detroit Ave. Detroit Avenue is safe, has lots of bars and pizza joints, and lots of pretty girls! Oh to be 20 something again.

Not on your life!

So, 500 words later I get to the main Life Lesson? Not quite but almost. Better late then never, as my mom would always say when I walked in late for dinner:

“John Patrick!”

Or, if I was really in the dog house:

“John Patrick Jude Zajaros!!”

Then I knew it was all over for the evening…or the week.

Grounded!

So anyway, I was walking with TuffGuy and I started to catch up with this older gentleman and his rather huge dog. The older gentleman was not small either. In fact, he was about 6’4” and probably weighed in at about 225lbs. Not a small guy!

Big, bald, and he seemed to be slowing down?

I started to slow down too! I walk for solitude and to listen to my audiobooks. I didn’t want to get stuck, I wanted to go about my routine. Besides, you never know with people and especially people with dogs, big dogs. I have run into all kinds on our walks; and, so has TuffGuy.

Additionally, dogs can be funny, you just never know how they’re going to react with other dogs or with strange people. Dogs are kind of like people in that way, I suppose, situationally unpredictable. You see, I know this from watching TuffGuy. We have plenty of experience with all the people who want to pet him on our walks and they just assume he will let them. Well, he doesn’t go for it at all; and is, in fact, very stand-offish.

But when it comes to other dogs? TuffGuy doesn’t know he’s ¾ Pug and ¼ Beagle, he thinks because he looks like a miniature Bull Mastiff he is one! Consequently, TuffGuy sees another dog, he wants to do the dog thing and check him or her out…preferably her!

Life Lesson: A male is a male is a male!

Well, TuffGuy and this man seemed to be thinking the same thing, bent on meeting, so I relented and we caught up.

The dogs did their doggy thing, sniffed, wagged their tails, and generally had a good old time. It was fun to watch them make nice for a while. The Big Guy and I started to talk and walk and do the guy thing, sans the waging of the tails!

Everything seemed to be OK!

Turns out the Big Guy’s name was Chuck Christian and he usually walks his dog earlier in the evening. I walked TuffGuy a bit earlier than usual, it was such a nice night and I wanted to get out. Because Chuck was walking Beast a bit later than usual, we ran into each other.

And no, his dog’s name isn’t Beast, I just never got his name and it seemed to fit the story and the Big Guy. I’ll get it next time…promise!

So, Beast it is!

Anyway, Chuck told me he lived down the street, had for 40 years. Seems he bought his house from a guy by the name of Jack Palmer.

“Do you know Jack?” he asked me.

“Well,” he went on, “Jack Palmer is the most honest man in Lakewood. That house was in need of a lot when we moved in, bunch a bikers had lived there and the lady who owned it wanted them out. I had a friend and he told me to see Jack Palmer and no one else, that Jack Palmer is the most honest guy I’d ever meet. And he was right! Jack Palmer is the most honest man I have ever dealt with!”

Chuck Christian went on to tell me a bit more about himself and the house, where his son lived, and some additional things about his life, but he kept coming back to “Jack Palmer, the most honest man, a great man!”

It seems that Chuck had also seen TuffGuy and I before, at the metro parks dog park, so we talked about that for a while, and walked.

Back to the Life Lesson

Now, the fact that Chuck Christian knew Jack Palmer as “the most honest man he had ever dealt with” wasn’t what intrigued me most, although it was certainly enough to consider calling Jack if I was ever in need of another property, it was how long it had been since Chuck had purchased the house from Jack and how many people Chuck has told that story to over the past 40 years!

Imagine that for a moment!

One man, happily talking about a great and “honest” guy by the name of Jack Palmer for 40 years. Get that? Chuck is still talking about his “friend” 40 years after he has done business with him.

If ever there was an example of Girard’s Law of 250 I was witnessing it firsthand!

You see, according to Girard’s Law of 250, everyone has in his or her sphere of influence 250 people. Everyone has 250 people they know well enough and have enough influence over that they will show up at their wake or funeral when they pass away. It is anecdotal but it makes sense. Funeral directors, as a rule, order 250 cards for the passing of most people because they have discovered over the years that 250 people will pay their last respects.

The beginnings of the Law of 250!

Interestingly, Joe Girard heard this and took it another step. If you alienate one person a day and that person has a sphere of influence of 250 people…

…and so on…and so….and so on…

In a year you would have enough people to fill the Giant’s Stadium or Yankee Stadium, all screaming “Don’t buy from “(insert name here)!”

Powerful marketing lesson!

Significantly, let’s look at the reverse scenario:

Chuck Christian has been telling people about his “honest” friend Jack Palmer for 40 years! Not just his immediate sphere of influence, they have probably heard it until they, Chuck, and everyone else are blue in the face. It’s the other people he tells, complete strangers on his walk with Beast every day, that’s the kicker!

That is not only a marketing lesson, that is a…Yup!

Life Lesson!

If he just tells one person each and every day for 365 days over for 40 years? That’s 14,600 people who have all heard that Jack Palmer is the most honest guy in the world to deal with, in any profession.

Let’s apply Girard’s Law to that and say that each of those people knows 250 people and not do the whole Breck thing or we will be at it all night.

3,650,000 people!

That’s a LIFE LESSON!

If he gets a .01% response from the Law of 250 he sells 365 homes over his lifetime thanks to one man…Chuck Christian!

That’s 3,650,000 x .0001

Interestingly, and this is the 40 million dollar question:

How many Chuck Christians do you know and do business with day in and day out? And, more significantly, which side of the equation are you on?

There are only two:

1) That SOB or the Bleeping Company, I’ll never buy anything else from him (them) as long as I live, he (they) is (are) the most dishonest (disreputable) guy (company) on the planet!

2) Or, That (insert name here), he (or she or they) is (are) the most honest man (or woman or company) on (insert city, town, or village) planet!

Ultimately, it is a choice, which side of the equation you and/or your company will be on in this.

But one thing is absolutely certain, the ultimate Life Lesson:

This world is shrinking and with it the room to run, to start over, or to repair or rebuild a soiled reputation.

The Law of 250 and The Jack Palmer Lesson are one in the same and, if you don’t think so, you have a rude awakening around the bend because the world is a very small place, for anyone or any company!

John Zajaros
216-712-7004
johnz@johnzajaros.com

PS, I will share some horror stories that I have had and others that have been shared with me, not to soil anyone’s reputation but to forewarn those who are not the most honest, the most reputable, before they fall victim to individuals or companies who feel there is an unending supply of clients and all they have to do is run more, bigger, and louder ads. Not any more!

PPS, If you doubt the power of one person to make a difference? Google “Dell Hell” and you will get 164,000 resulting web pages and it all started with one angry individual who couldn’t get his laptop serviced and was “mad has hell and not going to take it any more!” Or just check out Randy Cassingham’s awesome blog “This is True!” It will wake you up to what one person with a voice can do…and anyone can develop a voice online!

The Groundhog Day Lesson: A Lesson for Business Success…Life Success!

I love the movie Groundhog Day with Bill Murray! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched it over the years. Bill Murray is something of an enigma, sometimes absolutely brilliant and other times he is just plain awful…or the parts he plays are anyway. Perhaps he tries to stretch himself, do the unconventional, accept the risky, non traditional roles in order to pursue his craft, his art. For whatever reason, he can absolutely leave me in stitches or make me want to bolt for the door.

However, because he has the ability to captivate and entertain, I take a chance with his movies time and again. Groundhog Day and What About Bob? are two of his bests!

Another Murray role, The Razor’s Edge, is a bit gritty but tells a tale, a 1984 Hollywood remake of a 1946 Tyrone Power film of the 1944 bestseller by W. Somerset Maugham, of a disenchanted and disillusioned WWI veteran seeking to find himself in India after The Great War. Murray pulls off the part of Larry Darrell in a way that touches the heart and reminds us that Vietnam veterans were not the only ones affected by what is now called PTSD, that there was in fact an entire generation that was lost: The Lost Generation.

Indeed, nothing is new!

What does any of this have to do with the title of this article? What does Bill Murray’s selection of movie roles, and in particular his performance in the movie Groundhog Day, have to do with marketing and brick and mortar business success?

It’s really pretty obvious if you stop and think about it; and, if you have seen the movie. The movie is about living the same day over and over again until you get it right. But more that that, it is about mindset and the realization that each day can be a learning experience, one that will ultimately get you to your goal…regardless of how elusive that goal may initially seem to be.

The magic of the story is in the progression of Bill Murray‘s character, Phil Connors, a Pittsburg weatherman trapped day after day in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania. At first, Connors (Murray) does the same thing over and over again, doomed to repeat the same mundane exercises day in and day out, always on Groundhog Day.

Phil, yes, the same name as the Groundhog, eventually tires of the experience and attempts to put an end to the torture by, among other things, driving off a cliff, along with Punxsutawney Phil himself (the groundhog) seated at the steering wheel with him. And yes, only to awaken again the next morning to the same some on the clock radio, the same music blaring I Got You Babe by Sonny and Cher, and the same cornball radio announcer reading the same corny script!

Same radio announcer, same morning routine, same Phil. Day in, day out, misery every step of the way!

After days of repetition, boredom, and failing in every attempt to end it all, realizing that he was never going to escape, a light bulb goes off and Phil Connors hatches a plan.

In Hollywood it’s always about “the girl!” But in life it could be anything…but it is still, usually, about “the girl!”

So, falling for his producer, the beautiful Rita played by the indeed stunning Andie MacDowell, Murray has incentive to change, to rethink his life and, in setting his sights on Rita, Connors has a goal, a reason to live…and to learn!

This is a key component of the story line, and this is Hollywood, so everything revolves around this infatuation, an infatuation that ultimately leads to much more.

But you have to see the movie for that!

Anyway, Connors sees an opening and begins to treat every new day as a learning experience, a learning experience that will ultimately lead to a relationship with the object of his desire, Rita!

Instead of simply going through each and every day as he had the one before, dreading the routine he had been sentenced to, Murray’s character begins to study, learn, and finally…grow!

OK! I have said enough about Groundhog Day. But I hope you can see where I am going with this?

As business owners this lesson is particularly applicable. For that matter, the lesson applies to anyone who wakes up day after day to the same old, same old. You see, we go through the same routine, we apply the same strategies, and we hope for the same outcome, day in and day out.

Every day the alarm clock goes off at the same time, we get up to the same radio station, we drink the same coffee, we run the same distance or do the same workout (maybe!), drive the same car, open the same door to the same business at the same time, and we apply the same strategies to our running of the business in the same way with the same effect…day in and day out!

…because it is what we know…because it is safe!

Not only is this tragic, it is a waste of life!

It is a death sentence!

Personally, spiritually, financially, and emotionally…you are walking around day after day and it is always….

GROUNDHOG’S DAY!

It doesn’t have to be that way!

In the movie, Phil Connors discovers, after being repeatedly brutalized by the mundane, stagnant life he has come to accept as his ultimate reality, that each day is another opportunity to do it better, to get it right, and to grow in the process.

Triumph!

Phil Connors begins to live each day, building upon the one before, a progression towards a goal. Yes, Rita in the movie…
…but we all have our own “Rita,” don’t we?

How sad it is, how unfortunate that, as stated above, most of us get up in the morning, go through our morning rituals, get to work, go through another set of rituals, and before we know it is time to go home, another ritual.

We get home, go through another set of routines, part of which is usually telling whoever asks that nothing much happened, just another day at the office, and then we retire, another ritual….only to do it again…tomorrow…

Groundhog Day!

Over and over again! Nothing new, nothing learned, just repetition and a sick feeling that our lives are not our own, that they are certainly not what we had envisioned so very long ago.

We do the same things hoping that it will be enough and by the time the light bulb does go off…it is often too late! No time for a do-over, no time for anything new because we didn’t snap out of it in time.

Twilight Zone?

“Picture this, a life, a business, a person going nowhere. See the man on an endless treadmill, one he does not see, cannot see, will not see…until it is too late.

“And then?

“Well, then it is over…until tomorrow…when he will once again mount the treadmill and once again……Groundhog Day……”

It is NOT too late! There is indeed time!

We all get do-overs throughout our lives…we just have to be smart enough to recognize them as opportunities for growth, opportunities to learn, to something greater than our present selves!

Life is not a death sentence, the same old, same old!

Groundhog Day can mean the beginning of a new day, a day to learn, to grow, to become something more!

It is up to you!

John

Family, Tutoring Kids, and Consulting Businesses: Empathy and Life

This has been a week for life lessons, particularly lessons in empathy. Over the past week I have been reminded of the power of putting myself in another’s shoes, walking a mile in them, over and again; and, I am better for the experience.

Last week was a full one, as most weeks are now that I am rebuilding my life. Fighting illness for over a decade, an illness I once believed would take my life, I have little time for idleness and spend every waking hour teaching, coaching, mentoring, and consulting. In my spare time, I spend all my time with my family.

I love the time I am able to share with my granddaughters Kailyn and Brynn…the lights of my life! To think I almost lost that? I am so grateful just to be here!

Back to Empathy

In the last week I have been reminded over and over again that in order to be successful in life one must understand and practice empathy.

I have watched my kids struggle, learning the life lessons I can’t teach them, the ones they must learn for themselves. I have been challenged in ways only a parent and grandparent who loves his family more than life itself can be, having to step back and let life take its course…regardless of the pain it must cause.

I know what my kids must be feeling; and yet, I cannot and must not interfere if they are to grow into strong and self reliant adults. Empathy is a double-edged sword and at times it cuts deep.

Empathy!

On Friday night I sat with a mother and father, parents obviously in pain, two people trying to understand and deal with their son’s ADHD. To their credit, while divorced they sat at the kitchen table next to each other to discuss their son’s needs.

In order to come to grips with what their son is experiencing they put their personal differences aside, they acted in a loving and selfless manner in order to help their child. It was obvious these wonderful people felt sympathy, compassion, concern, and, above all, unconditional love.

I felt empathy!

As I sat there, discussing the issues their son was, is, and will be facing over the next few years, I watched as the young boy’s mother held back the tears. I was moved, holding back my own tears, knowing what she was experiencing first hand. You see, I was that parent 28 years ago, sitting with an expert, seeking answers for my child. The empathy I saw in that young counselor’s eyes almost three decades ago is undoubtedly the same sort empathy, and sympathy, that little boy’s mother and father saw in my eyes, heard in my voice, as I tried to consult, console, and encourage.

Empathy!

As a marketing consultant specializing in inbound marketing and working with small and medium sized businesses, I have had occasion to consult with quite a few businessmen and women over the past few weeks and months. Sadly, I see concern, worry, dismay, and even fatigue in their eyes and on their faces. As we speak, I hear the concern and the weariness in their voices as they speak of the current economy and their concerns for their businesses, their employees, their families, and their futures.

I know what they are feeling on so many different levels, I feel their pain and I know the concern they feel for those they feel responsible for.

Empathy!

When I take on a client I interview them, more-so than they-me. I am attempting to get to know them, understand them, empathize with them.

When I consult with parents and business owners alike, I do all I can to understand what concerns and motivates them. You see, if I can empathize with them and with their situation, if I can understand and even relate to what they are experiencing on a personal level, I can serve them. If we are a good match, and I understand who they are and why they are seeking my help, I can go the extra mile when necessary. When required, I can take on some of their pain and help them through the most difficult patches.

If I can’t empathize with them, if I can’t relate to them and/or their concerns, I can’t serve them; and, they are better off with someone else.

Empathy!

Empathy allows us to identify with friends, family, business associates, and even complete strangers. Empathy allows us to connect with one another in a way that makes the bond a little tighter, a little more special, and a lot easier to maintain during the tests every relationship experiences, personal or business.

I have been asked if my life would be easier, less stressful, if I didn’t “feel” so much!

My answer is always the same:

We all yearn for connection, we seek meaningful relationships, we are all social beings!

Social media has certainly validated this. I have been saying this for years…we need each other to be completely human.

Empathy is a crucial ingredient, without empathy we fail to connect, we are something less than what we can be, must be!

Empathy, along with passion, compassion, and love make us better, allow us to serve our fellow man in a manner that would be impossible without it.

Empathy!

Contact me any time!

John
440-821-7018 (cell)
excellencepaidforward@gmail.com (personal email)

Daughters and Granddaughters: God's Gift to Fathers and Grandfathers!

In Your Eyes! Unconditional Love and Grandchildren

The greatest heartbreak in life is watching your children and grandchildren struggle, regardless of their age! We still see them as little boys full of dreams and wonder and little girls with ponytails flying behind them as the chase puppies, butterflies, and later soccer balls and boys!

“Ugh, boys!”

I remember that one…they all said it!

Our children give so much, more than we ever give them. Their love is unconditional, which makes stepping back and allowing them to grow on their own all the more difficult!

We want to shelter them, protect them, and love them.

Unfortunately, in protecting them we may not be helping them.

As parents and even as grandparents we are torn. Love sometimes means pushing them out of the nest. Other times it means allowing them to fall towards the earth until they learn to flap their wings…all the time dreading the thought that perhaps they won’t flap hard enough or in time!

Life, parenting, and even grandparenting can be very difficult…and quite wonderful!

Life is amazing!

John