Writing: A Love-Hate Relationship

It doesn’t take any special talent or genius to notice that the world we live in has changed. The world is smaller both in the sense of travel and communication. And, because the world is smaller, in the virtual realm at least, we are all more connected…or at least we have the potential to be. With a few clicks of the mouse or a keyboard we can communicate with someone halfway around the world, as if they were sitting in our living room.

Video and all!

What does require mentioning, or at least it must be noted, is that how we communicate has changed, drastically.

No, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to note that things have changed. What needs to be noted is how, and at times how badly, we communicate with each other as a result of these changes.

I have a love/hate relationship with the written word!

I love to write and hate to write.

I love to write because I feel it takes more time to shape what I am going to say and how I am going to say it. I love to write because it makes me think about each and every word I put on a page. I love to write because I have the ability to walk away from what I think I wrote, let it sit long enough for me to look at it with fresh eyes, and come back to it. And finally, I love to write because I can come back to what I think I’ve written, look at what I’ve actually written, and edit it so it communicates my original thoughts in a clear and meaningful manner.

The writing process takes coming up with an idea, thought, planning, time, and patience.

In the end, writing is a beautiful way to communicate because it forces one to think before spouting off or shooting from the hip; and, because it forces one to really think about not only the message but the vehicle of expression and, usually, the context in which the message will be delivered.

How great is that?

On the other hand, I hate writing because it requires time and patience. A paradox? I also hate writing because it is labor intensive. And, I hate writing because writing has changed, as the way we communicate the written word has changed.

Why?

You see, writing used to be something that required all of the things I mentioned when I spoke of my love for writing…and more. Writing used to be about writing stories and letters people appreciated receiving for all the very reasons I love writing.

In other words, the people reading my words knew I had taken the time to sit down and create something special, something unique, and something dedicated to the individual receiving the message.

Or at least that was the impression!

Now?

Sadly, as our world becomes more connected, and as we gain the ability to communicate with people halfway around the world with the click of a mouse or a few clicks of the keyboard, the written word has morphed into email and tweets and posts and texts.

Very often these messages, verbal expressions in written form, have little to do with meaningful communication.

Or, at the very least, they have lost the depth in terms of process and meaning.

In other words, it is no longer necessary to come up with an idea. It is no longer necessary to develop that idea into a well-thought out plan or outline. It is no longer necessary to plan how the message will be communicated and received. It is no longer a matter of taking the time to develop an idea, think about how to communicate it, and how to contextualize it so it is received properly.

And finally, and this is a reflection of the times and all things Internet, patience is no longer in the picture…at all!

In today’s world, we go from idea to blasting that idea to 500 or 5,000 or 50,000 or 500,000 or 1.5 million or 15 million or 150 million in an instant. An instant later, that thought, well-thought out or not, is picked up by Google and scrolled across monitors from here to Hanoi, the world certainly has changed!

No thought, no time, no editing, no patience, and very little meaning!

We have gone from a society that treasured the written word to a society that has transformed it into tweets and posts and emails and texts!

Argh! Texts!!

Where will it all end?

I haven’t the foggiest!

I do know one thing: I am as guilty of this as the next person…or was!

I’d send out an email and have someone react badly to an idea; only to find out that I had written one thing and communicated something altogether different. The difference between what I thought I was saying, and what was being received at the other end, was a consequence of a few badly placed words and an inadequately shaped message.

Why?

Because I forgot the formula and I didn’t take the time!

The writing process is all-the-more corrupted on and by Twitter and Facebook.

In fact, it has been forever altered by social media. We shoot from the hip or blast out meaningless comments to people we don’t know, and have no way of knowing, beyond the 140 characters and the profile picture they allow us to see.

But that’s the topic for a different sort of article.

Want a real eye-opener?

Watch Surrogates with Bruce Willis, arguably his worst move ever…and that includes Die Hard II. But the idea behind Surrogates is happening today, online and throughout social media.

Doubt it?

Think about it!

What is actually behind that smiling face?

The one the profile picture projects?

Do you have any way of knowing?

In a few cases, you do…if they use video and/or you have had actual, human interaction.

But for the majority?

We have no idea!

But we blather away and divulge our innermost thoughts to total stangers and we don’t even think about what we are going to say, how we are going to say it, or who we are saying it to.

We shoot from the hip…and then it is gone!

Can we fix this?

I doubt it!

I believe we have gone over to The Dark Side...or whatever comes next.

The saddest part?

We have children, teenagers, and young adults who will never know the wonder of the written word, rarely read, and never sit down to write anything more meaningful than a video description or a text message.

Is the written word dead?

Not in the Fahernheit 451 sense, at least not yet.

But as we once knew it?

I am afraid so!

I speak to students every day who cannot write. I know college students who, beyond English 101 and English 102, have never taken an essay exam or written a paper.

I have hired writers making serious money on the various “Guru” and “Freelancer” outsourcing sites who cannot write conversationally, writers I have rejected because I refused to accept what they had written…much less put my name on it.

Most writers today cannot write conversationally and are unable to string thoughts together into a cohesive whole.

Sad but true!

Where will it end?

I have no way of knowing. But the evolution is in high gear and we are witnessing the transition online and in our schools today. The end result cannot be good. The written word has been around almost as long as we have in one form or another: first as rudimentary symbols; and ultimately as forms defining meaning.

There is a fundamental link between what happens in our brain, what we put on paper. It is how we learn! Writing is an integral component in the learning process and one that is being written out, forgive the pun.

You probably stopped reading this a while ago.

However, if you didn’t?

I’ll see you on Twitter!

Thanks for taking the time to read this and please leave your thoughts, they enrich all of us!

John Zajaros
The Ultimate Internet Image
Lakewood, Ohio 44107
216-712-7004

Or…The Linchpin Trilogy!

Heaven By Way of a Map – Part I

How’s that for a title?!

I thought over the next week or so I would write a couple of articles, and maybe throw in a couple of videos about what is is really like to come back from The Dark Side…the side of life so many are running away from every day. Running with a part of themselves still anchored in that old mindset and that old life.

Those are difficult shackles to break and the scars of the chains will perhaps remain forever.

Will they last for the remainder of my life? It is hard to say!

Most of us were raised with a certain mindset, some of it a carryover from The Great Depression thinking of our grandparents and great grandparents.

And some of it, a consequence of the old school Horatio Alger Rags to Riches mythology so many bought into with no real map for how to do anything more than grow up, go to college, get a job, get married, have 2 or 3 or 4 kids (I have a funny story for later on about that), place money in a retirement account, watch it grow (slowly), work for the same company for our entire adult lives, wait for retirement, play with our grandkids, perhaps travel a bit (on less than we struggled to live on for the last 50 years – I don’t think so), and die!

Scary…but true!

So, I thought I would share a bit of how I unshackled and my thoughts about the experience over the next few days.

Will it have to do with entrepreneurship?

A little.

Will is have to do with inbound marketing?

Only in that it is my life raft, my way out.

But more than that, it is a signal of a shift in the fundamental mindset of millions of people who are saying in one way or another:

I am mad as hell and I’m not going to take it any more!

So, on with the show!

This is an opening act. Throughout this week I will share a bit of the old thinking and some of the new; and, what it took to get here.

If it helps one person break free, or even consider breaking free, it will have been a success!

Let me know what you think!

Share your thoughts and comments below…not only for me but for everyone who stops here from time to time.

Thanks!

I slept in this morning…until noon! The old Me, still firmly entrenched after 55 years, generated more than a twinge of guilt! Old habits (and “Mes”) die hard!

The new me is sitting here in my gym shorts and a cut off t-shirt…happily typing away!

Connie is at work, she works because with my medical history no one else will insure us and, with our medical system, if we don’t have insurance and I get sick again…well, you know the rest.

Not surprisingly, TuffGuy and Bart could care less what I have on. Nor does my keyboard give a half a hoot!

But I can still hear one of my first employer saying:

“Selling is like shaving! If you don’t do it every day you’re a bum!”

Talk about a mindset sticking around!

35 years later and I can still hear his words!

Norm was a nice man who had a lot of sayings like that. He took me under his wing and allowed me to spread my wings as a salesman when no one was hiring anyone for a sales position without experience.

At that time, I was focused on one thing…making it big!

A good sales job was one of the quickest routes to “The Good Life.“

And at the time I was all for that!

Funny how we get for what we ask for and it comes back to bite us in the “butt.”

We spend years of our lives, ransoming out bits and pieces of our Selves.

And for what?

Security?

Security is an illusion!

The only security any of us have is between our ears!

The only value we offer is in what we do, how we do it, and the difficulty someone or some entity (i.e., company) has in replacing us.

In other words, Seth Godin’s words, becoming a Linchpin.

This idea isn’t new…but it certainly seems to be generating a lot of excitement.

You see, doing something extraordinary is so rare, and to many so inconceivable, that is the surest way to true “security,” whatever that means; and, if that’s what you’re after.

But it takes creating your own vision, you own map, and then having the courage to strike out on what can be an amazing journey of discovery.

But you need your own map and you need to “ship!”

In other words, you need to act…and act with a plan!

The problem has always been that we are either working from someone else’s map, a map going nowhere, or no map at all.

Sadly, the latter is usually the case.

Striking out on your own journey is frightening, nerve wracking, and wonderful.

You may feel free for the first time in your life.

Truly free!

At the very least, you will be a lot happier.

And maybe, you’ll even get to spend Mondays doing exactly what you want for as long as you want in whatever garb strikes your fancy!

Nice thought, huh?!

So, today is day one, every day is day one, and I slept in this morning…until noon!

I will write all day today, as I am at this moment, I hope it makes a difference in someone’s life…it is certainly making a difference in mine.

Make your own map. Set a course and then set out on your own journey.

And here’s the key, no matter how powerful the Old Me is, he or she will weaken!

Just never look back and never deviate from your plan!

Course corrections?

To be sure!

But focus on your map and have an amazing journey!

Life is too short to waste it following someone else’s map…live your own life!

Please share your thoughts, ideas…your story!

Thank you for taking a bit of time to read my thoughts.

You are appreciated!

John Zajaros
The Ultimate Internet Image
Lakewood, Ohio
216-712-7004

I looked at Connie’s Garden this morning and was saddened by the fact that we are coming to the end of another season.

We live in Lakewood, Ohio. Lakewood is a mixed community, a small city actually. Lakewood has all the diversity and charm you could ask for and I have come to like it very much. We were forced here by circumstances beyond our control a few years back. I was deathly ill and fighting for each and every day. I was in the hospital two weeks out of every month for almost four years, had multiple surgeries, and was in pretty bad shape. I thought my life was over.

I often tell people the choice of residence when we moved here was really a simple one: It was a choice between a 1992 Chevrolet Cavalier Station Wagon and our present home.

I am not exaggerating!

We’d come to the end of our rope and, quite literally had nowhere else to go.

So, we moved to Lakewood and into the house we now call a home.

Let me make one thing perfectly clear, (Oh my gosh! Did I just sound like Richard Nixon?) I hate to move. Even when it has been to move up and into better circumstances and surroundings…I hate to move!

Consequently, we have remained here much longer than many would have.

In one way, this house is a daily reminder of how far back we have come. It is also a constant reminder of how hard, capricious, and unforgiving life can be. It is a mixed message…and a mixed blessing. I am certain we will move on, and up, again. But for now we make the best of what we have…and what we have together.

Many spouses would have left long ago!

But Connie is different, she is wonderfully loyal and fiercely protective of her family and the life she has. I guess that includes me.

Why would she have left?

Because, for a while there, it just got too hard, being in my orbit. And, because almost everyone else did.

It’s a funny thing about serious (i.e., life-threatening) illness and the challenges that come with it, people just don’t know how to react.

For a while, people will do almost anything they can to help. They pitch in with the kids, drop off meals, make calls on your behalf, and stop by to visit. However, after a while, when it is clear the road is longer and much more complicated than they originally thought, they begin to distance themselves.

Why?

I guess it just gets too hard. People expect a happy ending, they expect you to get better, for everything to be alright. So, when it takes longer…they just can’t handle it and begin to fade away. It is normal, it is understandable, and it is very, very sad.

By the time we came here, to Lakewood, everyone had faded away and we were utterly alone.

I remember when we moved in here…

…Connie cried.

I told her it would be OK but I knew she was devastated.

For a while, things actually got worse and I moved ever closer to the end of the line.

But life is funny and once in a while you get a break. Or, you make one for yourself? Sometimes, it’s a combination. I think mine was a bit of luck and a bit of being sick and tired of being sick and tired.

In any event, I started to improve. I was still in and out of the hospital, a lot. But I was making a turn for the better. It looked like I was going to make it.

It was then that Connie bought her first flower pot.

As I started to show signs of life, it was almost as if Connie began to show signs of life, as well.

The flower pots were, at first, a big investment as we were still struggling financially. Crushing medical bills and the wreckage of a life-saved were becoming a real issue…

…but she bought more flowers.

Then, something amazing happened.

At about the time I had reached a turning point, a single, seemingly trivial act of kindness from a total stranger (Tony Robbins*) gave me just enough courage, hope, and faith to fight.

I did…fight, that is.

And the rest is reflected in Connie’s Garden.

Last summer Connie planted her first flower garden in years. It was a sad little thing but it represented hope and love and all that is good in life…and in my wife. And, I think, it reflected her love for me. I smiled whenever I looked at that garden because, while appearing so sad to anyone else who might have stumbled upon it, it was magnificent to me.

This year, Connie’s Garden is full of flowers, still small and still a bit sad looking, sad looking to anyone who doesn’t really understand Connie, our family, and what we have endured.

This year, the Connie’s Garden is a triumph!

So, when I looked at Connie’s Garden today and noticed that the flowers hadn’t bounced back quiet as quickly from yesterday’s heat and last night’s rain, it saddened me a bit.

It also reminded me of how far we have come and how everything in life cycles.

We all have good days and bad, good experiences and bad, times when everything we touch turns to gold and other times when every challenge we face seems to go against us. It isn’t that life is against us. It is simply part of a grand design, a process of birth, struggle, renewal, and constant growth.

I see that now. It has taken me 55 years but it is a clear as any lesson I have ever learned.

Would I have made it without Connie?

I doubt it!

Will Connie continue to plant flowers and make my life, our lives, beautiful…bet on it!

Ultimately, life is about faith and hope and family and love…unconditional love.

All the things in Connie’s Garden!

You see, we are all Connie’s Garden, our entire family, and, by extension, anyone in our orbit.

The wonderful thing about all of this?

Connie will continue to tend to us, nurture us, and love us.

Why?

Because there are some people who, no matter what the challenge, no matter how hard the ordeal, and no matter how much pain…

…will always plant flowers.

I am…the luckiest man on Earth…because I am part of Connie’s Garden!

Thank you for allowing me to share this with you; to share a bit of something very personal, and special…my love for a very special woman, my life.

Connie!

John Zajaros

* You can see the post I am referring to and Tony Robbins’ comment here. There is also a video follow up if for some reason you are curious.

Life Lesson: You Can Change the Spots on a Leopard!

I had an interesting experience the other day and I thought I would share something with you. Yes, this is yet another life lesson. My life seems filled with life lessons, many I’ve learned the hard way.

Other life lessons have come back at me at the strangest times and in the most unexpected ways. I suppose it’s a consequence of aging, at least in the sense that I am a bit more introspective and a lot more observant.

I have become a student of people, the people around me, how they behave, and how they interact. It is always interesting and a continuous source of knowledge and entertainment.

Who’d a thunk?

People watching leading to incredibly instructive Life Lessons? But it happens every day. You simply have to be open and receptive to Life, capital L, going on all around you!

Connie, my wife, is always smiling when we are out and about because: 1) She is a very happy person; and, 2) because she knows what I am doing most of the time and is amused by it.

Yes, I watch people! All kinds of people doing all sorts of things. I watch everything from the incredibly boring to the absolutely ridiculous and on to the really awesome…and I love it.

I take it all in, every Life Lesson, every morsel.

You see, for the majority of my life I kept people at arm’s length. I was likable but not really liked, I was successful without feeling like a success, and I was utterly and completely mystified by peoples’ reactions to me. Not the people who interacted with me for a moment, not the people I worked for and who signed my paychecks, not the people I was selling something to, they all liked me. I am talking about the people I worked with day in and day out, they are the ones I kept at arm’s length.

I never really connnected with them…nor did I want to.

I just didn’t have time for them and I certainly didn’t have the time to nurture friendships or relationships. I had a lot of acquaintances and virtually no friends. That may sound callous, and even a bit sad, and I suppose it was. It was the nature of the business or businesses I was in and how I was brought up.

I invested heavily in my family but beyond that I built a wall.

Life Lesson and Advice (good and bad)

My grandfather, a self-made multi-millionaire who started out as an elevator boy in the GM building, in Detroit, and went on to sit on the board of directors once said this to me:

“Don’t trust anything unless you see it in writing…and then doubt it. Don’t trust anyone, not even me!”

“Not even me!”

That was my grandfather who I worshipped and who I respected. That blew back my hair a bit. But he had made it! What was good for Gramps was certainly good enough for me. So became that person, a Type A Driver.

Never trust anyone?

“OK Gramps!”

Gramps’ Advice and Success In Business

From that point forward, in all and anything I did, I was the guy. And, if I wasn’t, I was busting my tail to get there. I was the top guy in the company or I tortured myself and everyone else until I got there.

I was making 5 figures a month and 6 figures a year by the time I was 23 years of age. I had a nice home and a 25′ Ericson sailboat. I bought the sailboat even though I had never been on a sailboat in my life. I had a Honda 1000 Goldwing motorcycle before I had a license to ride on it. I always had 2 new cars in the driveway, in addition to the one I got free from the company.

It was all paid for, cash!

Success!

Yes, I was a success, at least my parents thought so.

My Mom loved the local press I received and my Dad actually said he was proud of me for the first time in my life. That, in spite of being an Eagle Scout, junior class president in high school, a 3-letter winner in sports, student council representative, first chair in the symphonic band, the Top Teen named by the local, weekly Cleveland newspaper, a US Army veteran, a Life Member of the Disabled American Veterans, and a whole lot more.

None of that mattered!

It was the sailboat, the house, the motorcycle, the cars and all that defined success in my world, and that of my parents and grandparents…so I pursued the trappings of success.

And I hated every minute of it!

I hated working for someone else. I would eventually strike out on my own.

I hated sales. Swore I would never sell again in my life. Little did I know!

I hated the fact that I hadn’t finished college after discharge. So I went back.

And, I hated that I felt doomed to do what I hated for the rest of my life! Every day, each and every day I loathed the position I was in and felt helpless to do anything about it…so I worked harder, pressed harder, drove harder!

Was I a success?

Sure, just ask anyone!

Was I a success?

Not if you asked me, not if I was honest with you…but that was a stretch, at least back then. But deep down I was in pain, as much as any physical pain I had ever suffered.

The Good, The Bad, and The Driver

So, let’s stay in the mid-to-late ’70s. The economy was booming. The Jimmy Carter recession hadn’t taken hold yet, devastating much of the country and forever transforming the Midwest.

Life was good in the USA…for most anyway.

I was out of the US Army, a disabled veteran, young, married, cocky with a great job (public perception) and a rosy future.

And I was a Driver!

Meaning, I was not only a Type A personality. I was driven!

While the theory of the Type A and B personality has come under scrutiny over the years (its inception in the 1950s), most people still know what you mean when you refer to someone as a Type A personality.

Well, I was Type A on steroids! As stated, what I and many of my friends and associates called a Driver!

Forget about the controversy since its inception, if I walked up to you as a twenty-something young man, you would immediately know several things about me:

1) I exuded a sense of urgency, even impatience when it came to time…particularly wasted time. I got right to the point and immediately down to business. While this caused irritation and even exasperation in others, I also felt those emotions myself…constantly! Time was money and money was time. There was time for one thing…making more money!

2) There was a kind of hostility just beneath the surface, what some have referred to as free floating hostility. But it was more irritation triggered by a sense of urgency and the need to get everything done…yesterday.

3) I was super competitive and this made me goal-oriented to the point of obsession. Achievement, and being recognized by others for that achievement, was an integral part of my personality. I loved the accolades and placed undue stress upon myself; and, that stress carried over into everything I did because regardless of what it was, I had to be the best at it. Period!

Remarkably, there are still employers today who would read that and say, “So? What’s the problem?”

Well, this was great for my employers. I was driven and I worked 80 hours a week on straight commission.

Loved the money, hated the pressure, never told a soul.

As stated, it was great for my employers and it was also fantastic for my clients. I was always working without a net, early on for someone else; and, later for myself. I was motivated to deliver nothing but the best service, to be the best producer, the top salesman in the company, in the country, or the world.

As a marketing consultant? There was only outbound marketing at that time…although it was not called outbound marketing. I was the guy who brought in the biggest clients, kept them the longest, generated new revenue streams and referrals, wrapped everything up quickly so we could move on.

And then:

Close! Close! Close!

And so on, day after day, week after week, etc, etc, etc….

I can hear Yul Brenner in The King and I when I write that:

“etc…etc…etc…”

If you’ve seen the movie Instinct with Donald Sutherland and Cuba Gooding, Jr. (good movie BTW, especially for a physical anthropologist with an interest in primatology) this will sound familiar:

I worked very hard to make sure all the right people liked me and that I was always at the top of the heap. Mattered to whom? To me and to those who could impact my future, my upward mobility…and my bank balance.

Not a pretty picture, is it?

Yet this type of person, particularly in sales, marketing, certain aspects of the law, some brokerage firms, and in some sports, was not only valued, they (we) were all but deified. Amazingly, in some of life’s arenas they still are!

OK! Getting back to the Life Lesson and the reason for this post.

I ran into myself the other morning, that other self, that self from years ago…and it was interesting.

I have a friend whose husband is me, at least me 30 years ago, and it took me back in an instant.

Interestingly, I have recently come to know several Type A businessmen, some as friends, most as acquaintances (their choice), many now retired. These retired, Type A businessmen seem to be forever stuck in that mode, that miserable, self-loathing, Type A Driver mode…and it is very sad!

You know something, the guy I’m talking about? I did not like him, not at all.

The saddest part?

He is probably right where I was way back then…self-loathing, feeling trapped. Or, it may be too soon, he may still be in love with the power and the idea of becoming a “Success!”

One thing is certain, he is me and I was him.

Scary!

Life Lesson: Breaking Free

What did it take for me to break the mold?

Was I doomed to this sort of driven behavior?

Was it part of my makeup, my personality, as so many would argue…hardwired from inception?

From birth?

“You can’t change the spots on a leopard”…or so they say.

Hence the Life Lesson!

I almost lost my life and in almost losing my life, in brushing with the ultimate reality, I discovered myself, my true self…and saved my life.

I am talking about my real life, the only life worth saving…because that other person had died inside a very long time ago.

I had actually started down the path to self-awareness in the mid-80s.

I had a brush with a very serious, often life-threatening illness and spend 12 weeks in one of the best hospitals in the Midwest. I was transferred there after a few weeks at a local hospital, the local hospital totally inept and unable to diagnose the illness. Interestingly, it took the “better” hospital just 48 hours to diagnose the illness and then a few more weeks to beat it.

Like anything, there are good and bad providers, there are experts and then there are experts.

I was lucky…I would be lucky again a decade later.

Interestingly, that second brush with death (the first was in 1972, the third in 1998-2008) put me on the road I am on now. That experience, facing my own mortality, allowed me enough time to disengage and to realize I was not doomed.

I discovered that my life had not been set on an unalterable course, and that what I had been told from the very beginning of my life, from its inception, was wrong!

I should and in fact had to change the course of my life…or I wouldn’t make it.

I almost didn’t!

So, I went back to school. I graduated summa cum laude, went on to study for my doctorate, and the competitive spirit lead me to immerse myself in something I loved. I found out that it was OK to be driven, as long as whatever was driving you was something you loved, something you had a passion for, something you actually could take control of and ultimately become part of and contribute to.

I guess I became a different sort of driver, one in control of my life and how it unfolded…instead of being someone else’s trained seal, performing to someone else’s tune, and living some else’s definition of success.

How awful!

Yes, I agree with the 12 Steppers of AA, NA, and CA…control is an illusion. But there are degrees of control. Ultimate control is beyond our grasp, there are too many variables to control.

However, if you love your life, what you are doing and who you are sharing it with…the rest seems to flow.

Life Lesson: Are there bumps?

Certainly!

Ultimately, the new life is a cakewalk compared to the old life, the life of a Type A driver, the life of a success, particularly someone else’s idea of success.

Life Lesson: You do have choices to make and regardless of how deeeep you are in it, (the ending of and the variation of a four letter word) you can always extricate yourself from misery and from a life that has gotten away from you.

You get a do-over !

Life Lesson: In my case, it took a Higher Power, a Supreme Being, God, Infinite Intelligence, and Obi-Wan Kenobi, or whatever you believe in, to take their fist and slap me up side the head and clear my thinking and my vision long enough to see the person looking back at me in the mirror.

The person I saw looking back at me the other day was not in the mirror, it was a real person, and he was an early 3o-something high powered, Type A Driver…and I didn’t like him…because I didn’t like me at that stage in my life.

How could I?

Success and Life Lessons: If you look in the mirror and the person looking back at you is someone you don’t recognize, or someone you simply cannot face, then you have failed.

Get busy!

Recreate your Self and your Life before you are on your death bed, as Sam Walton was, uttering those sadly tragic words:

“I blew it!“

If that isn’t the ultimate Life Lesson…I don’t know what is?

If people don’t look forward to your company, if you are annoyed in and by the presence of others, impatient and controlling? Rethink the direction of your life before it is too late, before you are gone. Because, there is indeed one instance when you can’t change the spots of a leopard (or your stars)…and that is in the last moments of life.

Do you want to remember an amazing life and be remembered as someone who was empathetic, compassionate, caring, loving, and giving?

Or do you want to be thought of as a Driver?

Life Lesson? I am glad I ran into that young man and I am sorry for him. He has a long journey ahead and, unfortunately, it will take an incredibly powerful force, event, or series of events to change the trajectory of his life!

Life Lesson: It can be done! I did it. He can do it. So can you!

The payoff is incredible!

I love my life now…and to think I almost didn’t make it!

You can too! But it is up to you and it takes desire, self-awareness, honesty…and a mirror!

Good luck to you!

John

Life Lessons: The Ultimate Question?
How do you want to live and define your life?

Throughout our lives we are faced with many decisions, some of them are very difficult and present themselves at crucial points along the way. Many of the decisions we are faced with will ultimately shape and define the course of our lives; and, the become life lessons!

These choices, when they present themselves, are almost never easy and usually have to do with a price that must be paid, at times a high price, in order to achieve a certain goal or result. In most cases, the result or goal we are seeking is something we must trade for, something we will receive in return for something we must give of ourselves….and others, directly or indirectly.

In other words, in order to achieve the goal or goals we view to be so important, we may have to pay a heavy price.

Interestingly, the decisions we must make and the commitments we are required to make along with them, for goals we are (or were) actively pursuing, goals we had determined to be essential to our overall success in life, may not be the same decisions and/or commitments we would make in retrospect, with the added 20/20 perspective only hindsight can provide.

Not only do many of the goals seem unimportant once we achieve them, we may also question the decision making that went into such a quest to begin with.

Once again, many of these goals come at a significant cost, not only to ourselves, but also to those we love and care for.

I am often reminded of the saying:

Be careful what you ask for, you just might get it!

This is so true!

Significantly, many of the career and life goals we set out to achieve early in our careers, the goals we set for ourselves and for our family, come at too high a price.

In many instances, when faced with the ultimate question:

Success at what price?

Many would be unwilling to pay the price if they knew then what they only come to know much later.

Goals and Material Things

This is particularly true when the goals in life are linked to material goods or “things.” Many of the “things” we attach so much significance to when we are young just do not appear to have the same value later in life. Many of the material “things” are generally not worth the price that must be paid by ourselves and those we love to attain, achieve, and/or acquire them.

This realization is generally viewed from a perspective of time and proximity!

In other words, the closer we get to whatever it is we once believed to crucial to our success, the achievement of a goal that will in some way define us and transform our lives, and those of our loved ones, the more likely we are to see it in an entirely different light.

Additionally, the more severe the cost, particularly in terms of the human cost, trading our time (our absence) for an object or a gratifying moment, the less apt we would be to pay for it had we to do it over again.

Think for a moment about that before getting defensive and saying “You are just being negative!”

Do you know what Sam Walton’s last 3 words were?

One of the most “successful” men on the planet and the founder of Wal-Mart said this:

“I blew it!”

Thanks to my friend Marc Warnke, author of Family First Entrepreneurship (awesome book about time, proximity, and family!) for that video!

What we have invested in, usually our blood, sweat, tears, and time may no longer seem important…or even appropriate given time and proximity.

Perhaps an example will help!

In 1984 I got a job with an advertising and marketing company and immediately went to a solid 6 figure income. I had just walked away from a business I founded and still owned part of because I had become the Dunkin Donuts guy! Remember him? Talk about a memorable USP (unique selling proposition)!

“I made the donuts!”

Well, I was that guy. I was working 16 to 18 hours a day 6 days a week and then doing paperwork for several hours on Sunday…just to catch up. Only to begin again on Monday. What had once been my baby and the most important thing in my life had turned into something akin to the entrepreneurial version of the Bataan Death March, in both physical and psychological terms!

The havoc that schedule was wreaking on my health after three years was noticeable and the effect and impact on my mental outlook was nothing short of disastrous. I was beginning a new life, my son was still young, and I didn’t want the rest of my life to be an everyday death march, passing myself coming and going 365 days a year.

So I got out!

Not right away, mind you..but I knew something had to change. It took getting sick, mononucleosis as a matter of fact.  Mono seemed particularly appropriate for some reason because I owned a health club and trained athletes. But what mono really did for me was it allowed me to step away from the trees long enough to see the forest. Once I did, the decision was easy. I was killing myself bit by bit but was so invested in the “ownership” of the concept the business was built up0on I lost sight of the fact that the business no longer looked anything like the one I started 4 years earlier.

And, I had indeed become The Dunkin Donuts Guy!

The decision was made easier when a friend, Dave M, walked into my office and put his paycheck on the table. He knew I was one of those people you call a “born salesman,” even though I hate conventional sales tactics, and particularly script selling. Dave also knew I was thinking about moving on to a new venture….but what?

Well, Dave looked me in the eye and asked me how long I was going to continue to kill myself when he knew for a fact that I could make at least as much as he had put in front of me, week in and week out and not work half as hard. The paycheck, for a 4 and 1/2 day workweek was in the mid-4 figures.

Now, when I started my business we were bringing in between $20,000 and $30,000 a month, during the late 70s and early 80s recession, but that was channeled right back into the business and I rarely took a dime. As time went on, although the business was doing well, I never bothered to take a paycheck because the business was mine, until I started taking on partners (big mistake and the topic for another post), and I really didn’t need the money.

Nice, huh?

But I was intrigued with Dave’s offer!

I said I would think about it, talked to Connie about the traveling involved in a advertising and marketing gig and the stress of a marketing job like that, and decided to go ahead with it.

That 6 figure position came complete with a road map to the good life. I had a new direction to my life, a direction based on a decision made at a time when I wasn’t really thinking clearly. But the decision seemed to be a good one. I was on my way, set new goals, and even said “I do!”

New job, new life, new wife, new home in my home town of Bay Village…what more could one ask for?

My attorney notified me after two months with the firm that I was officially making enough money to put me in the top 5% of all wage earners in the country!

All seemed right with the world!

“Then Depression Set In! Bill Murray in Stripes

I’ll never forget that line!

Unfortunately, I hadn’t taken into account how taxing the travel would be, 3 weeks out of every month on the road, home for the weekend only to go back on the road Sunday night or early Monday morning. Yes, Connie traveled with me from time to time but it was distracting and I felt guilty leaving her for extended periods at the hotel. Here we were, newlyweds and I was leaving 3 of every 4 weeks in the month. And I wasn’t traveling to postcard destinations!

I was going to Buffalo, Detroit, Cincinnati, Columbus, Pittsburgh, and, heaven help me, Ashtabula and Chillicothe, Ohio. Yes, the money was super and we were put up in Las Vegas on the company for as few days and I was routinely in the top 5 in the country…but the traveling was a downer.

I also hadn’t realized how much I would hate the prospecting part of the business, it had been presented quite differently! I was often making cold calls for 3-5 hours a day, Tuesday through Thursday, in order to set up my afternoon sales appointments and presentations. I got to the point where I could not pick up the telephone without getting physically ill and would be in a bad mood all day Sunday, knowing I had to go back on the road Sunday night or Monday.

Talk about hating the phone and cold calling! Something I still haven’t overcome!

I was the Dunkin Donuts guy again!

I finally came to the realization, just as I had with my own business, that regardless of the money and the commitment, I had to quit!

This was way before Seth Godin’s popularity but we would have been on the same page:

This wasn’t a Dip, this was a cliff! And, there was nothing else to do but QUIT!

The stress of being in a Type A environment and being a Type A personality, I was doomed to repeat this sort of scenario over and over again. I was selling myself to the highest bidder for a paycheck.

I needed something else…something more…or the cycle would repeat itself over and over again for the rest of my life!

The cost of pursuing that lifestyle came at a such a high price to myself and family, both in terms of time away from the family but also in terms of the high stress carryover into our family’s day-to-day affairs, it just wasn’t worth it.

Our loved ones suffer, often silently, as they watch us burn the candle at both ends, as well as in the middle, just to provide more material “things.”

Something had to change!

You know, most families would rather have us home and happy versus killing ourselves for a few bucks more in a paycheck…and a house with too many bedrooms.

Time, Proximity, and Do-Overs

Sadly, time and proximity are tough to buck!

Unless you buy into the whole Back to the Future thing and have access to a Flux Capacitor and an old DeLorean, hindsight is pretty much going to remain hindsight.

I have talked about do-overs here before and I was granted a do-over. New family, new educational opportunities, a new lease on life, literally. I got my do-over and so far have not squandered it…so far. Funny thing about time, it does things to you memory and may even alter perspective, it is a trap.

The old saying:

Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it!

I will not forget the lessons of my past. The things I thought were so crucial? The goals and the things I believed important? The things that would define my success and provide the lifestyle I had envisioned for my family?

I was wrong!

I hope you are able to benefit from my hindsight. “Choose wisely Grasshopper!” Many of the goals we set for ourselves are based on what someone else pushed into our heads from early on in our lives and the things we think precious? They are right in front of you when you sit at the dinner table. They are next to you when you say good night. They are on the other end of the telephone saying “I love you Dad!” when they are away from home.

The most important things in life, the life lessons?

It’s the intangibles!

The rest is scrap! The rest is replaceable, breaks, rusts, burns down, gets stolen, is devalued or is otherwise impermanent.

We come into this world naked and we are going out the same way. The only thing permanent you will have with you as you face your maker, and Sam Walton found this out too late (I wonder how much he would have paid for a do-over? My bet? Anything! )  is the love of those you have touched…that is your immortality!

Your ultimate success will be defined in terms of how others remember you. Your ultimate success will be viewed in terms of the TIME you spent with those you love and who love you! Your success will be recognized in terms of the PROXIMITY you allowed others to have to you!

Time and Proximity

Unfortunately, as most of your moms have probably said about you, and mine said about me, we seem to have to learn things for ourselves…the hard way! I hope not!

Do you want to be able to say:

I got it right…I nailed it! My life had value and meaning!

Or will you say what so many others have said before you:

I blew it!

Thanks for taking the time to get through this. I know it took some time and I hope you feel it was well invested. If so, please pass this along, comment, provide feedback…including your own anecdotes!

Thanks!

John Zajaros
The Ultimate Internet Image
Lakewood, Ohio 44107
216-712-7004 (office)
440-821-7018 (cell)
Skype: johnzajaros1
excellencepaidforward@gmail.com (personal email address)

PS, Join me on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn!

I Got So Many Requests to Reformat The Moody Blues Concert…Well, Here It Is!

At first, I downloaded the file and set it up to share via an open source site but rather than go through all of that, I have spent the last few hours uploading the videos to YouTube and then embedding them on their own page.

You can now go to The Moody Blues 2010 Tour video page here and see most of the videos! I will add more tomorrow when I have time!

I hope you enjoy them as much as we did the concert! It was amazing and took us back to the late 60s and early 70s in an instant!

I hope this works for you!

Enjoy!!

John Zajaros

Celebrating Life: Faith, Hope, Desire, Unconditional Love, and a Little Luck!

What can I say about this weekend? It was one of the best, if not the best, of my life…and that’s saying a lot!

Connie and I are celebrating of 26th year as husband and wife today and this past weekend was a nonstop celebration.

A little over a year ago I was still a regular visitor at the local hospital and frankly wasn’t making plans into the future. I was so sick I was literally in the hospital 2 of every 4 weeks from December of 2004 through April of 2008…and then on and off until last year.

Now?

The future is wide open and the possibilities are infinite!

Last night I got to spend the evening with my precious little granddaughter Kailyn. Kailyn and I have a special bond and the love is unconditional. I wasn’t sure if I could love another human being as much as I love my wife and daughters but Kailyn has laid that fear to rest…she is the embodiment of unconditional love!

Brynnie is amazing, so cute. But Brynnie as also afraid of the loud noises, so we had a problem. Connie put her own feelings and desires aside, as always, and offered to stay behind and watch Brynn while I spent “Grandpa Time” with Kailyn.

It was one of the best experiences I’ve had in a long time!

I am sharing this with you for one reason:

To give you hope!

If you are in a rough patch? If you are struggling? If life isn’t exactly what you’d hoped it would be?

There is a light at the end of the tunnel!

You are only constrained by your hope, faith, desire, and imagination. If there is an ounce of fight left in you?

Fight!

Life is worth it!

This is just a glimpse into what is waiting for you at the end of the tunnel if you don’t quit, if you continue to press on, and if you have faith in yourself and in people…because people are amazing!

The funny thing about people is while we’ve been taught to be somewhat skeptical, and even a bit cynical at times, we all want to believe…believe in what is good, honest, and true.

I have to tell you: People are good! People want to help! People want to share! And people will open themselves up to you if you show genuine empathy, compassion, and honesty! That’s why social media is such a hit! It has nothing to do with the Internet and everything to do with our thirst for something real, something or someone we can connect with and believe in!

That certain something is out there, it is available to you…providing you are willing to open up, be yourself, and have faith in your fellow man or woman.

People are amazing…and so is life! If you give both a chance, immersing yourself in life while allowing people in, you will never be sorry, at least not in the ways that really matter.

Well, enough for today. I few too many exclamation points, perhaps? But that’s the kind of high I an riding…a good high…a natural high…the kind of high that comes from:

Celebrating Life: Faith, Hope, Desire, Unconditional Love, and a Little Luck!

Take care and, as always, contact me anytime if you need to!

John Zajaros (and Kailyn)
440-821-7018 (cell)
excellencepaidforward@gmail.com (personal email address)
The Ultimate Internet Image
Lakewood, Ohio

PS, I hope you enjoy the video!

July 3, 2010 The Moody Blues at Nautica Stage!

Happy Independence Day from The Zajaros Family

It’s been an amazing year, a year that has transformed my life! I want to thank my subscribers for being a huge part of my life over the past two years. I look forward to continuing to get to know each and every one of you.

This is my treat!

Times sure have changed, we used to get frisked before concerts to make sure we didn’t bring in cameras and recording devices, among other things.

Now?

With the Internet and the realization that a video can go “viral” and promote a product like nothing else can, and yes, music is a product, the game is on and even rock groups understand the power of the Internet marketing. Heck, The Moody Blues had their web address superimposed on the screen behind them during the intermission!

We live in a different world!

Great music will always touch us in a way few other mediums can. Memories flood back in an instant, whether it’s memories past, the memories of an ex-GI who listened to The Moody Blues from overseas (yours truly) or the 7 year old who was introduced to great music last night, creating new memories that will last a lifetime, with his parents in tow.

If anyone doubts the video quality possible with a Flip MinoHD, the video is worth a thousand words! The sound quality of the Flip MinoHD, always a point of contention with reviewers, isn’t bad at all! My one regret? That I didn’t upgrade to Flip MinoHD Generation II. The 60 minutes available with the Flip MinoHD was extremely disappointing…there was so much great music and I just couldn’t capture it all.

Darn!

Anyway, forgive the tremors here and there, I didn’t have a monopod or a decent tripod and my arms got tired after a while. All-in-all, it is a decent video and I hope you enjoy it. If you love The Moody Blues, you’ll love it! If you don’t know who they are? Well, give them a listen…they were and remain one of the best rock bands of all-time!

Again, Happy Independence Day to one and all from:

The Zajaros Family!

Life Lessons: Word of Mouth Advertising Going Strong After 4 Decades
The Lesson of Jack Palmer and Chuck Christian

My little dog, TuffGuy, and I were out for our usual midnight walk last night. We started last summer, a way to get back into shape, lose some weight (both of us), and overcome the chronic back pain and sciatica I had endured for many years. TuffGuy and I walked last year until the snow fell; it was a very enjoyable routine. We stopped, mainly because the salt and ice hurt his paws. TuffGuy would have continued, just as dogs will walk with their masters in the hot summer sun until they fall over dead of heat exhaustion, too loyal and too happy for the time together to quit. I have always thought of that as the most powerful example of unconditional love I have every heard of. For that reason I am well aware of how far dogs will push themselves beyond the pain barrier, just to be with their masters, so I am very careful with ours.

We also stopped because people don’t shovel their sidewalks anymore. In fact, I believe the failure to shovel your sidewalk, while seemingly very insignificant, is really a symptom of the fact that neighbors and neighborhoods aren’t connected. In fact, we aren’t even neighbors and there aren’t neighborhoods any more, just people living next door or in the area. Yes, there are exceptions but for the most part, the “village” is long gone. Perhaps everyone is inside tweeting? For whatever the reason, “neighbors” have, as a general rule, ceased to care about the residents on either side of them.

So, why bother!

Anyway, when I lost my walking buddy, my accountability partner, as I call him, it just wasn’t as much fun. When the fun went out of it, I just stopped, not willing to risk the sidewalks and the ice…not after 15 major surgeries on my neck, back, and shoulder.

No way!

So, when the weather started to get nice again, I got the itch. I also felt the waistline on my pants a bit more than I wanted to. Then, my daughter said TuffGuy was starting to look like a sausage!

Well, offend me but never my dog!

Consequently, TuffGuy and I were right back at it, saying hello to all the doormen in front of the bars along Detroit Ave; and, all as if we hadn’t missed a beat. I am always greeted with a friendly smile and a kind word but it is TuffGuy that gets the bulk of the attention:

“Hey! TuffffGuuuyyy!”

Is the standard greeting from the doormen.

“Awwww isn’t he cute!”

Comes from the pretty girls.

He, of course, wants nothing to do with them but they all want to pet him.

Now, if I were a 20 something single guy…..

Need I say more?

TuffGuy is what we used to so inappropriately call a “chick magnet” back in the day. In fact, he works better than any Corvette I have ever owned or been seen in! Often on Detroit Ave when I was growing up.

Life Lesson: If you’re a single guy and want to meet pretty girls?

Get a cute little dog and go for walks on any street in America like Detroit Ave. Detroit Avenue is safe, has lots of bars and pizza joints, and lots of pretty girls! Oh to be 20 something again.

Not on your life!

So, 500 words later I get to the main Life Lesson? Not quite but almost. Better late then never, as my mom would always say when I walked in late for dinner:

“John Patrick!”

Or, if I was really in the dog house:

“John Patrick Jude Zajaros!!”

Then I knew it was all over for the evening…or the week.

Grounded!

So anyway, I was walking with TuffGuy and I started to catch up with this older gentleman and his rather huge dog. The older gentleman was not small either. In fact, he was about 6’4” and probably weighed in at about 225lbs. Not a small guy!

Big, bald, and he seemed to be slowing down?

I started to slow down too! I walk for solitude and to listen to my audiobooks. I didn’t want to get stuck, I wanted to go about my routine. Besides, you never know with people and especially people with dogs, big dogs. I have run into all kinds on our walks; and, so has TuffGuy.

Additionally, dogs can be funny, you just never know how they’re going to react with other dogs or with strange people. Dogs are kind of like people in that way, I suppose, situationally unpredictable. You see, I know this from watching TuffGuy. We have plenty of experience with all the people who want to pet him on our walks and they just assume he will let them. Well, he doesn’t go for it at all; and is, in fact, very stand-offish.

But when it comes to other dogs? TuffGuy doesn’t know he’s ¾ Pug and ¼ Beagle, he thinks because he looks like a miniature Bull Mastiff he is one! Consequently, TuffGuy sees another dog, he wants to do the dog thing and check him or her out…preferably her!

Life Lesson: A male is a male is a male!

Well, TuffGuy and this man seemed to be thinking the same thing, bent on meeting, so I relented and we caught up.

The dogs did their doggy thing, sniffed, wagged their tails, and generally had a good old time. It was fun to watch them make nice for a while. The Big Guy and I started to talk and walk and do the guy thing, sans the waging of the tails!

Everything seemed to be OK!

Turns out the Big Guy’s name was Chuck Christian and he usually walks his dog earlier in the evening. I walked TuffGuy a bit earlier than usual, it was such a nice night and I wanted to get out. Because Chuck was walking Beast a bit later than usual, we ran into each other.

And no, his dog’s name isn’t Beast, I just never got his name and it seemed to fit the story and the Big Guy. I’ll get it next time…promise!

So, Beast it is!

Anyway, Chuck told me he lived down the street, had for 40 years. Seems he bought his house from a guy by the name of Jack Palmer.

“Do you know Jack?” he asked me.

“Well,” he went on, “Jack Palmer is the most honest man in Lakewood. That house was in need of a lot when we moved in, bunch a bikers had lived there and the lady who owned it wanted them out. I had a friend and he told me to see Jack Palmer and no one else, that Jack Palmer is the most honest guy I’d ever meet. And he was right! Jack Palmer is the most honest man I have ever dealt with!”

Chuck Christian went on to tell me a bit more about himself and the house, where his son lived, and some additional things about his life, but he kept coming back to “Jack Palmer, the most honest man, a great man!”

It seems that Chuck had also seen TuffGuy and I before, at the metro parks dog park, so we talked about that for a while, and walked.

Back to the Life Lesson

Now, the fact that Chuck Christian knew Jack Palmer as “the most honest man he had ever dealt with” wasn’t what intrigued me most, although it was certainly enough to consider calling Jack if I was ever in need of another property, it was how long it had been since Chuck had purchased the house from Jack and how many people Chuck has told that story to over the past 40 years!

Imagine that for a moment!

One man, happily talking about a great and “honest” guy by the name of Jack Palmer for 40 years. Get that? Chuck is still talking about his “friend” 40 years after he has done business with him.

If ever there was an example of Girard’s Law of 250 I was witnessing it firsthand!

You see, according to Girard’s Law of 250, everyone has in his or her sphere of influence 250 people. Everyone has 250 people they know well enough and have enough influence over that they will show up at their wake or funeral when they pass away. It is anecdotal but it makes sense. Funeral directors, as a rule, order 250 cards for the passing of most people because they have discovered over the years that 250 people will pay their last respects.

The beginnings of the Law of 250!

Interestingly, Joe Girard heard this and took it another step. If you alienate one person a day and that person has a sphere of influence of 250 people…

…and so on…and so….and so on…

In a year you would have enough people to fill the Giant’s Stadium or Yankee Stadium, all screaming “Don’t buy from “(insert name here)!”

Powerful marketing lesson!

Significantly, let’s look at the reverse scenario:

Chuck Christian has been telling people about his “honest” friend Jack Palmer for 40 years! Not just his immediate sphere of influence, they have probably heard it until they, Chuck, and everyone else are blue in the face. It’s the other people he tells, complete strangers on his walk with Beast every day, that’s the kicker!

That is not only a marketing lesson, that is a…Yup!

Life Lesson!

If he just tells one person each and every day for 365 days over for 40 years? That’s 14,600 people who have all heard that Jack Palmer is the most honest guy in the world to deal with, in any profession.

Let’s apply Girard’s Law to that and say that each of those people knows 250 people and not do the whole Breck thing or we will be at it all night.

3,650,000 people!

That’s a LIFE LESSON!

If he gets a .01% response from the Law of 250 he sells 365 homes over his lifetime thanks to one man…Chuck Christian!

That’s 3,650,000 x .0001

Interestingly, and this is the 40 million dollar question:

How many Chuck Christians do you know and do business with day in and day out? And, more significantly, which side of the equation are you on?

There are only two:

1) That SOB or the Bleeping Company, I’ll never buy anything else from him (them) as long as I live, he (they) is (are) the most dishonest (disreputable) guy (company) on the planet!

2) Or, That (insert name here), he (or she or they) is (are) the most honest man (or woman or company) on (insert city, town, or village) planet!

Ultimately, it is a choice, which side of the equation you and/or your company will be on in this.

But one thing is absolutely certain, the ultimate Life Lesson:

This world is shrinking and with it the room to run, to start over, or to repair or rebuild a soiled reputation.

The Law of 250 and The Jack Palmer Lesson are one in the same and, if you don’t think so, you have a rude awakening around the bend because the world is a very small place, for anyone or any company!

John Zajaros
216-712-7004
johnz@johnzajaros.com

PS, I will share some horror stories that I have had and others that have been shared with me, not to soil anyone’s reputation but to forewarn those who are not the most honest, the most reputable, before they fall victim to individuals or companies who feel there is an unending supply of clients and all they have to do is run more, bigger, and louder ads. Not any more!

PPS, If you doubt the power of one person to make a difference? Google “Dell Hell” and you will get 164,000 resulting web pages and it all started with one angry individual who couldn’t get his laptop serviced and was “mad has hell and not going to take it any more!” Or just check out Randy Cassingham’s awesome blog “This is True!” It will wake you up to what one person with a voice can do…and anyone can develop a voice online!

Where Do We Fail? The Death of Dreams

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about how we end up, where we end up. It may be a consequence of my getting older, notice I didn’t say “old,” but I believe there is more to life. How do we define success and what defines a failure?

Perhaps it has grown out of my own life experiences, combined with my experiences, hopes, desires, and even frustrations as a parent. I don’t know, perhaps it is just one of those things we begin to think about as we age? But for whatever reason, I think it is a subject worth writing about…so here goes!

Question:

Have you ever wondered what happened to the little boy or girl you used to be? You know the one I am talking about, don’t you?

The dreamer, the little kid who wanted to be a fireman or a doctor or an astronaut or even the President of the United States! We have all been there, or almost all of us…haven’t we?

Yes, some of us are those things but, unfortunately, most of us have settled for less, much less than we once dreamed of becoming. At some point on our journey through life, we threw in the towel!

So, what happened to that person?

I know, I know!

We grew up, right? Life intrudes. We got older and more responsible.

Wrong, that’s a cop out!

Or, more plainly…horse manure!

The fact is, we get beat up…at least the majority of us anyway. Now, I’m not talking about a physical beating, although that is certainly part of it for some, unfortunately, I am talking about the way the system (i.e., schools, friends, and even well-meaning family members) systematically teach us to be “realistic” and “practical” over a lifetime until we finally settle for less than we had once envisioned.

The dreams of our childhood become the flights of fancy, youthful exuberance, not to be taken seriously. We are taught to fit in, to be good team members, to tow the line. Our creativity and imagination are sytematically attacked and ultimately dismantled, until the dreams and visions of childhood are a fleeting memory.

Sad but true!

How many grow up saying:

“I want to be a middle manager at a downtown warehouse!”

Or:

“I really want to be a short-order cook for the greasy spoon down by the highway!”

Right, me too!

NOT!

Now, imagine being in your 40s or 50s and looking back, wondering what happened. Interestingly, while many of us have had these moments, not many talk about them. Heck, no one will even admit to having these thoughts!

Why?